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Leading and Loving It

Fun Friday … That is so 1992 of You

Posted by: Lori Wilhite

Not too long ago my ultra hip husband tweeted: The Cowboys are awesome …. Not!

To which I responded: That is so 1992 of you.

And, as luck would have it, all of Twitter agreed with me.

A few weeks after I busted Jud, Tiffany’s husband Herbert tweeted a little Talk to the hand, cuz the face ain’t listening.

Of course I couldn’t let that go without a little: Hello, 1990.

I do this all the time. I hear some kind of blast from the past comment, take a random shot in the dark at the year it came from, and throw it out there. I’m probably never right on the year, but it is one of those things that I really crack myself up saying, even though I’m probably the only one laughing.

I know my husband isn’t the only one who does this. In fact, most of us have at least one silly thing that we’ve yet to let go of. Maybe it is a saying. Maybe a playlist. Maybe a fashion piece.

About two years ago, my friend Holly Furtick told me in one of her fashion blogs that I needed to let my toe ring go. I can’t do it. I like it. It was a little my-feet-will-never-be-giant-and-swollen-again-because-I’m-not-having-more-kids gift that I got myself after I had Ethan. So here it is 2012, and I’m still sporting my cute toe ring. It is very 1998 of me.

This weekend’s assignment: What are you still holding on to? What year is it from (even if it is a random guess)? And Why?

Last week you were given a LOVE CHALLENGE! As of today, you have 5 days to prepare your 14 day game plan! (You can get ideas in last week’s blog post.) I enjoyed reading your comments last week and thought I’d highlight a few of them.

“I’m in…pray for conviction and sincerity. My marriage is a challenge at best, but we deserve better and I can do my part to make that happen. I can do anything in Christ who strengthens me!”

I was so proud of our friend for making a choice to take on this LOVE CHALLENGE even though it may be tough. You may be in a situation just like hers, but I challenge you to “do your part” and trust God to help you. Remember these 14 days are about your husband, it’s about rocking his world.

“Love it! I’m in. Just something to remember…we tend to give love like we feel loved (I’m so guilty of this!) Be sure and give love to your man and family in their Love Language…not yours.”

Wondering what “Love Language” is? Gary Chapman wrote a great book titled The 5 Love Languages. You can also visit his website for great marriage resources.

“How fun!! Kinda like a shorter, less intense, version of the Love Dare. Count me in!”

I know! This challenge can be loads of fun!!! What’s the love dare? Check out the The Love Dare website for book info and marriage resources.

I love this! My husband is going to love it even more. Our men like it when we pursue them;)

Right on, Sista! Even though your husband may not tell you that he feels valued and loved when you pursue him, chances are he really likes it! Even if he doesn’t know he likes it, he does!!! Pursuing him may mean you have to step out of your comfort zone and operate out of your normal…you can do it! Find courage in knowing that your Leading and Loving It friends around the world are doing it too. Plus, the more you pursue your husband the more comfortable you will feel. As they say, practice makes perfect.

“I LOVE THIS!!! I’m going to do it:) My husband and I are in the biggest transition of our lives and although God has been moving us forward I have to admit it has been rough on our marriage…I must THANK GOD for his grace. I believe the best thing we’ve done is to talk it through no matter what and pray for each other. I believe this challenge will be balm to my marriage.”

I love that she thanks God for his grace. So true. Where would we be without God’s grace? Transitions, both positive and negative, always impact a marriage. Marriage is the first transition! Then comes careers, children, friendships, ministry and on and on… If a transition has impacted your marriage in an undesirable way, I encourage you to join our friend in bringing healing to your marriage with this LOVE CHALLENGE.

All right ladies, let’s do this! Again, we would love to hear what you’re doing for the LOVE CHALLENGE. We all need 14 ways to purposefully love our husbands. Comment with your ideas.

Scriptures, Quotes, and Friends … Oh My!

Week 1 of JustONE got kicked off to an incredible start.

2,692 Pastors’ Wives and Women in Ministry gathered and heard from some incredible speakers over the last two days. I hope that you were as encouraged and challenged as I was.

We want to say a special shout out to some of the groups that got together to watch JustONE.

@Jody_Lynn @tiffanybrooke83 and @jennyabixby who followed up work with a workout then some rejuvenation time with JustONE.

@StephTmomof3 and the pastors’ wives of First Christian Church is Owasso, OK.

Carmen Meeks and the ladies of EastLake Church in Chula Vista, CA.

@KellyDykstra and the team of ladies at The Crossing Church in Minnesota.

@MichelleMeeks and her team from EastLake Church in Seattle.

If you get together to watch JustONE with friends, co-workers, or staff wives, send us a picture, and we’ll get it posted!

This is also quick recap of scriptures and quotes from the talks. I can’t promise that I have everything down perfectly or that I didn’t miss one or two things along the way … I was writing fast, y’all.

Kay Warren (@KayWarren1)
Are you willing to start intentionally leading with your life?
1 Cor 11:1, 1 Cor 4:16
Phil 3:17
Heb 12:13, Heb 13:7
1 Thess 1:6-8
“Look on, evaluate me, scrutinize me, criticize me if you feel you’re justified & if you see me following Christ, then follow me!” Devi Titus

Jenni Catron (@JenniCatron)
Our words can be a spark of destruction or a spark of comfort.
James 3
Prov 12:18, Prov 16:24, Prov 15:4
1 Thess 5:11
Ps 37:30
Eph 4:29
The enemy will try to convince you that if you encourage other you become a little less valuable.

Michelle Meeks (@MichelleMeeks)
Three cliches that if we actually put into practice would make a huge difference in our demenor:
1. Be Yourself
Lead the way you were created to lead.
2. Read your Bible and Pray
Let God’s truth and his word fill you up so that when rattled His love spills out.
3. Choose Friends Wisely
You are an average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.
Who is pouring life into you? And are you pouring life into others?

Jessica Cornelius (@JesicaCornelius)
Rev 2
Don’t reverse the order of the Great Commandment.
Gal 3:2 Message translation
Hudson Taylor “God’s work done God’s way will never lack supply.”
Listen to the right voices.
If it is an honor to commissioned by an earthly king, why then is it a sacrifice to be commissioned by our Heavenly King?
1 Thess 3:11
And … do your homework!

Heather Palacios (@LeadHership)
Luke 8:44
We desire a desperate faith of action … not lip service.
Will embarrassment stop me, or will faith propel me?
There is incredible power in your own personal story if you are willing to transparently share it. (That was one of my own from Heather.)

Next week is going to be fantastic as well. We will preview Week 2 on Sunday! Make sure to join us Monday and Tuesday of next week!

Any thoughts you’d like to share about your JustONE Week 1 experience?

Why I Have Friends… Part 2

Posted by Brandi Wilson

Just last week I started a friendships series… and yesterday I sat down to write today’s post and thought “What do I have to say about friendship?” As I stated last week, it’s a touchy subject and everyone has a different opinion about what they’re comfortable with when it comes to friendship. And, ultimately, my favorite part of this series is your discussion in the comments. We all want to hear what you gals have to say.

About 18 months ago I read a blog post by Holly Furtick that struck a chord with me. In it she said “A pastor’s wife is loved by many, but known by few.”

Those words lept off the page at me… they immediately spoke to my heart. So many people in our churches and our ministries love us, there’s not a Sunday I leave Cross Point where I don’t feel the love of 100s of people from our staff to volunteers to attenders… but how do we determine who really knows us? As we discussed last week, relationships in ministry can be really tough. And I think we’d all agree the big question we have to ask is “Who am I willing to take relational risks with?”

I think my biggest gripe (and, yes I’m coming out of the gates with a gripe, which I rarely do but I feel the need to get it off my chest) with managing relationships has to be when people are critical because you choose to have friendships.

My husband  has been known to say, “Regular people who have close friendships are considered social. Pastor’s who have friends are considered cliquish.” It’s unfortunate, but very true. Over the years I have received more criticism based on who I spend time with than anything else.

I believe we were created for life in community. What you have to determine is what that community looks like for you. Some of us chose to have friendships with people on our staff and in our church, others choose for their relational investment to be outside of their church community and sometimes outside of their state.

So, how do I determine who I am willing to take relational risks with?

-I take friendships very slowly. I never jump two feet in… but start in very small ways to slowly begin to build trust.

-Realize all relationships have boundaries. Boundaries are healthy. What can make a relationships sticky is when you have a boundary someone else doesn’t realize. For instance, I’ve had friendships before in which I placed some very strong boundaries on what I was willing to share. But the friend choose to tell me everything and believed because they put that trust in me that I must have told them everything too, which I didn’t. And that’s a tough place to be.

-With that said, it’s perfectly acceptable (and healthy) to have friendships at different “levels.” Also called friendship “circles,” inner circle, middle circle and outer circle. People who you’re willing to tell more to than others. People who you enjoy but aren’t probably going to be able to share much depth with. It’s not that you don’t appreciate what all friendships have to bring to the table, but it’s also possible to crave community yet also crave your privacy.

-Even if you have close friends you will probably go through seasons of isolation. There will be situations you can’t discuss, incidents that you can’t get your friend’s feedback on, and frustrations that should be kept to yourself.

I’d love to hear your feedback on how you determine who you’re willing to take relational risks with??

JustONE Takeaways … Week 1

Here we go.

We are launching into a month of God speaking to us as women and leaders through the The JustONE Conference. As my friend Connie put it on Twitter:

Yep. Me too.

We’d love for you to come here over the next couple of days and share your JustONE … or two, or three … takeaways from this week’s session. What did God reveal to you? How were you challenged? How were you encouraged?

And, don’t forget that Virtual Community Groups are officially open for registration. (If you were in a group last season, you will need to re-register for your group to hang on to your spot.) These groups are incredible opportunities to connect with other Pastors’ Wives and Women in Ministry on a regular once-a-month basis. Click here to see all the groups and to register.