Tag Archives: Relationships


Q: I would like to know how do you maintain a strong relationship with leaders and the women of your church? And how do you encourage an environment of sisterhood? (@JulieTrevino)

Lori: With the size of our staff, it is difficult to maintain strong, close relationships with all of our leaders. So, my goal is to make sure, as much as I’m able, to let them know how much we love and appreciate them. I hope they know that! Sometimes that is through hugs, emails, and cards. Other times that is lunch or coffee. It is also part of why we get together as Pastor/Director staff wives quarterly.

Since there are about 55 staff wives at the Pastor/Director level, I realize that even if I did a lunch every week, I couldn’t get with everyone once a year. So … creating the “environment” that you mentioned is key. I’m very blessed to have other amazing wives on our executive team who also reach out to the women in their areas.

Brandi: What a great question, Julie! I’m blessed to have great relationships with Cross Point’s leadership, staff and staff wives. For me, I’m best at connecting with the small things. Trying to keep up with the details of their lives. Remembering someone’s birthday, asking about their sick aunt, wishing them safe and relaxing travel … being purposeful to let them know that they’re important to me. I’m a very relational individual and my investment in people tends to be very relationally focused.

Jessica: I meet with all the girls that work at Bay Area Fellowship, or are married to a man who works at BAF once a quarter. I order in lunch (or breakfast), and talk to them about ministry/ leadership/ family. This is a time for the girls to get to visit with each other, meet any new staff/ staff wives, and pray for each other. Offering childcare helps out the moms with little ones.

For the girls that are pastors’ wives (over the past 12 years) we host baby showers together, take meals to each other when needed, help unpack/ pack during a move, and watch each others kids. Also, we all go out for dinner if it’s one of our birthdays. The birthday girl gets to hear the rest of us go around the table, and give her affirmations. I would love to be able to do this with all staff wives, but I don’t have the time. So, I encourage each pastors’ wife to take her husband’s team under her wing, and love on them. ūüôā We also have had a few PW trips and staff retreats.

For the women of our church, I help with different events that we have going on. I am more of a strong presence, because it’s too hard to have a strong relationship with that many women. (In the early years I was much more hands on.) Your women’s minister is also a key factor in reflecting your heart for your women.

Tiffany: We are big into hiring people that fit into our staff chemistry. We truly love and care for our staff, and I know they feel that.

I try to be deliberate in showing appreciation both verbally and through thoughtful acts. We also have staff events throughout the year designed to build unity.

We are taking our staff wives to another level this year which really excites me.

Lisa: As our church has grown, I have realized that you cannot personally lead everyone, but I try to pour into a handful of women (leaders) who then in turn pour into others … a trickle down affect so to speak.

How do you maintain strong relationships with the women in your church?

Mini Spa Night

One of the questions that always seems to come up around Leading and Loving It is “What do you do with your staff wives?” ¬†So every once and a while we’ll share what events we’ve done that have been successful… and because we’re all about authenticity we’ll also share what might not have worked so well.

The Cross Point staff wives gathered together a couple of weeks ago for “Mini Spa” night. ¬†Since this is the first staff event I’ve blogged I’ll start by giving you a little background on specifics. When I say “staff wives” ¬†I’m including every woman married to a guy on staff. ¬†For Cross Point that’s about 15 girls. ¬†Out of the 15 we had 10 in attendance. ¬†This is our first event so I was very happy with the turnout.

I started by contacting a lady in our church who was a licensed aesthetician and asked if she’d be interested in working with us. She grabbed a girlfriend who works as a nail tech and they came up with a well rounded spa menu for us.

They gave us four treatment options: Mini-Mani, Hand and Arm Massage, Rejuvinating Facial Peel, and Eyebrow Waxing.  They priced each treatment at an affordable $15.00.  By then end of the night these gals were so generous that they were giving everyone two treatments for $15.00, which was so very kind of them to give us the extra treat.

Here’s what made this event work for us… we currently don’t have a budget for events like these but we wanted to make it affordable and fun. ¬†Obviously, each girl paid their $15 for treatment by a licensed professional (which was a deal if you ask me), one of our campus pastor’s wife hosted the event in her home, and a few of our lead staff wives volunteered to bring a pot luck of snacks. So the budget was $0… which is always helpful!

At this point I feel like what our staff spouses need most is time together. ¬†Time getting to know one another and building relationships. The church has grown and subsequently so has our staff. ¬†Our Cross Point staff works hard to function with the closeness of a family and I’d love to help develop that same feeling among our staff wives.

Here are a few of us afterwards… don’t we looked relaxed? ¬†And I’m obviously trying to show off my new manicure! ¬†We had a blast together. ¬†The time just hanging out and investing in one another was priceless. ¬†I feel so blessed having each of these girls in my life… taking the journey together.

Let us know what you’ve done with your staff wives lately!

The List…

Posted by Brandi Wilson

What a week we’ve had! ¬†The Leading and Loving It team has convened in Vegas for a couple of days to do some face to face introductions as well as plan some future Leading and Loving It events.

I can’t tell you how much a few days with these ladies has meant to me. ¬†You see, I keep a “list.” ¬†I’m sure you all have a list similar to mine. ¬†A “People I’d Like to Meet” list. ¬†Each of these ladies’ husbands serve in a similar position to my husband. ¬†They have a clearer of understanding of what our life in ministry is like. ¬†And they were all on my list!

Kay Warren probably tops my list. ¬†I’ve always admired the way she made raising their family her top priority as she also discovered her unique passion and purpose in the life God has called her to.

So what fellow pastor’s wife or lady in ministry tops your list?

I’ll let you in on a little secret… each of these ladies are even more amazing in person… better than I ever could have imagined. Tiffany’s smile is contagious. Donna makes me laugh until my side hurts. Jessica oozes genuineness. Lisa is supermodel gorgeous aligned with authenticity. ¬†Lori has a heart for each of YOU, truly created this community for each of YOU.

Truth vs. Grace

We put a lot of focus on community at Cross Point.¬† We encourage people to pursue and nurture connectedness… to build into others and allow those people to build into you.¬† But we all know relationships aren’t easy and some aren’t natural.¬† However relationships are worth the investment, studies show the one thing that distinguishes consistently happy people from unhappy people are rich, deep, life-giving relationships.

Healthy relationships require a balance of truth and grace. You won’t live in transformational community until you make truth a part of your conversations and language. Authentic relationships require us to extend and expect grace.

When I look at the majority of my friendships I realize I lean heavily toward grace and avoid truth.  Truth can cause conflict and I like to keep everyone happy!

But when I evaluate how I parent I tend to sway toward truth without extending enough grace!

And unfortunately, even recently I treated a Toys R Us cashier with a huge dose of truth when all she deserved was some grace

I’m working on my balance.¬† Praying that as God grows me he grows my ability to maintain a healthier balance between truth and grace.¬† To have the ability to say the hard things with love and a healthy motive.¬† To realize that my kids are kids… and sometimes I expect them to function more like adults.

How’s your truth and grace balance in relationships?¬† How’s your truth and grace balance as you lead?¬† Do you lean more toward truth or hover closer to grace?

Grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.  John 1:17b

Party with Michael Scott



I was watching a rerun of “The Office” today. Love it!! This was the episode where Jim has a BBQ and invites everyone in the office except Michael (the boss). I guess it was too weird to hang out with the boss at the party.¬†


The episode is super funny! But it does have me wondering. Do you like hanging out with your boss? Would you want them at your fun party? And if you are the boss (or married to them) do you find there to be a bit of a barrier there?


Just for the record, I would totally want to party with Michael!