Tag Archives: expectations

The Unrealistic World Of Expectations…

We’ve just started a marriage series at Cross Point and this week covers expectations. While I’ve really been thinking about expectations I put on Pete… it also makes me think about the expectations I had going into ministry.

I expected…

Everyone to like us.

To like everyone in our church (oh, boy!).

Friendships not to end in betrayal.

Everyone to agree with us (we’re doing a good thing, right?).

Budgets to always be in the black.

All conflict to be easily resolved.

Trust to come easily.

Our staff to always get along and enjoy each other.

And those are just off the top of my head. I’d love to hear what expectations you guys came into ministry with. Just to clarify, this isn’t intended to be a grip session, but rather to air out the cobwebs… and probably get a good laugh in the process!

My Own Expectations

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The first time I went to a Senior Pastors conference, I was looking forward to learning what the wives did with the staff. These were all women from mega churches. I’m not sure what I expected but by the end of the three days, I was depressed. Those ladies were amazing. Many of them lead the women’s ministries, children’s ministries, etc. And a few cooked breakfast for and lead their staff wives in an on-going Bible Study.

I was freaked out. I really felt like I should probably be doing some of that … but leading a staff Bible Study and cooking breakfast wasn’t exactly my thing. I was 28 with two little babies and very insecure in our new role. I hid behind that for a few years and didn’t do much related to the staff outside of the Christmas party and a few get-togethers.

Then I heard through the grapevine, that one of the kinda new staff wives said, “I wouldn’t know who Lori is if I walked past her in the hallway.” Oops. That’s not good.

I started making a more concentrated effort after that. Book clubs and more time together – that’s more my style.

What do you like to do together as leaders and staff?

Expectations

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I had an interesting conversation the other night about the expectations of the Senior Pastor’s wife from the other staff members. I had thought about expectations from the congregation and from myself, but not really from other staff and staff wives.

So let me ask, as a leader, what are your expectations of the Senior Pastor’s wife? What would you like for her to do with and/or for you? And if you are on staff at Central, it is ok, you can tell me. 🙂

Leadership and My Son

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Our son Ethan is a kick. He is so funny. He’s a super busy little boy – curious about everything with limitless energy. He’s incredibly independent, which as his mommy sometimes makes me crazy, but someday he will be an amazing leader. We love him … craziness and all.

We picked him up one Sunday from a church that we were visiting. He seemed happy. When asked if he had a good time he said, “The teacher said I had to act nice because I was the pastor’s kid. I wasn’t nice.”

That flew all over me. I was so mad. We had never told our kids that they were “pastor’s kids.” Sure they know what their dad does, but we never had transferred that to them. Of course I want him to act nice. That wasn’t the issue. I just said, “Honey, you need to act nice and make good choices because we love Jesus, not because of what your daddy does.”

At three years old, those “pastor kid” expectations had already hit. I was bummed. Not already. What to do? I know as they grow older that will become even more intense. How do you help your kids handle the expectations that come with having parents in leadership?