You Asked Pt 2

gnoOne of the questions Mandy asked in response to this: How involved are you with the other staff wives/staff?


That is a great question. First, I should say that I am way out numbered. We have about 130 staff members, about 40 of whom are at the director/pastor level. So even if I met with someone for coffee once a week, I would still only see them once a year. I love our staff … they are the best! I care about them and want to know them. The ladies that I spend the most time with are probably the Exec Team wives. We enjoy getting together with them, but they are also gathering with the staff that they have as well. Everyone is very busy.


I also have a book club that meets one Thursday morning a month. We read the same books that we read here at the Online Book Club. It is open to everyone at the pastor/director level. We have anywhere between 5-15 that come depending on the book and how busy that month was. It has been a wonderful opportunity to get to know & learn from each other.


In 2009, I’m starting a gathering 3 to 4 times a year for staff wives. I am hoping that it will be a time of fun, community building, prayer, and support. We will probably start in February. I’m looking forward to it, and I’m hoping that a few people will want to come. At the end of the day though, I know that I can only make events and opportunities available.


I should say though, that while I am doing all of this now, I used to do nothing. Zero. Nada. I even heard this said about me. I was overwhelmed. Uncomfortable with myself and this role. Scared out of my mind. Insecure and thought I didn’t have anything to offer. Just trying to survive. So, this is all new for our staff too. Some of them probably aren’t sure what to make of it.


How involved are you with the other staff wives/staff at your church or non-profit? And what would you want to do with your Senior Pastor’s wife?

11 thoughts on “You Asked Pt 2

  1. noochymama

    hey lori, i got my book today! thanks so much! 🙂
    as far as the post goes, we don’t have *nearly* as many staff wives as your church does, but that doesn’t mean we all get together. i think it is hard all around even if you have less. i do hang out with 2 other staff wives regularly and it encourages me like nothing else. as far as the “senior pastor” wife role, i would love for her to be available and willing to cultivate a relationship, however, i know that it will not be to the level that i have with some other wives that i have more in common with relationally.

  2. Angie

    There are probably only 3 or 4 staff wives (the senior pastor’s wife being one fo them) or women on staff that I do anything with – out of maybe 25 on staff. We usually go out to eat, catch a movie or in the summer hang out at the Farmer’s market or a ball game. It’s hard to do something with everyone and at 140 that almost seems impossible. My husband and I took on a new role this fall. We’re kind of like the “cruise directors” for the staff. There was much complaining that the staff didn’t do anything to have community together. So every couple months we plan something fun for staff and their spouses. We’ve had 3 events so far and they’ve been really well received and attended. (By the way, I’m open to ideas for fun staff activities). I think the only thing I would expect from my Senior Pastor’s wife is that she at least knows who I am.

  3. gretchenannlee

    Lori-I’m so out of the loop! I haven’t been on my computer in days! I am having blog withdrawals….I missed like 5 posts!

    I’m loving catching up! I love that you are getting all of the staff wives together 3 or 4 times a year. I have thought about that for our church, but I’m not sure what it would look like or how it would go. I’ll be excited to hear how it goes for you and what you are doing. Noochymama and are are together all the time :), and another staff wife. It’s great to have friends who really “get it.”

  4. Holly

    We have a great staff, but don’t get together nearly enough. If I hang with any of the wives, it is our senior minister’s wife. Though it hasn’t been nearly as much lately, she and I like to eat, shop, go to movies with and without hubbies. We are also both public school teachers, and I have actually had the privilege to teach with her. She’s pretty cool in my book.

  5. Lori Wilhite

    @noochymama: You are welcome. Glad it made it and hope you enjoy!

    @Gretchen: So glad you are back … I missed hearing from you.

    @Angie: That is cool that you guys are the “cruise directors.” I would love to hear some of the things that you’ve done with the rest of the staff.

    @Holly That is cool that you work with and minister with the Sr Pastor’s wife … and that you really like each other. That is so nice!

  6. Missy

    We have two full time staff and one guy who leads worship on Sunday, so not a lot of us. We do not do much of anything together except for once a year a christmas party. I often wish we would do more and until today I always thought it was the lead pastors wife responsibility to plan these things, but I realized today that I could be the one to organize something.

  7. Kimberly

    I’m not in the same situation obviously, but you made me smile remembering what God has done in my life this year. That inadequacy/insecurity thing likes to rear its ugly head and keep us from following Him. He showed me this year that He can use me right where I do have strengths and that is when (my)His book club started. So cool how He could use that for both of us. I can’t wait to see how He “grows” me this year! Happy New Year!!!

  8. brandiandboys

    so glad to see you answer this question. i’ve been toying with starting some pastor wives/female staff activities! thanks for the encouragement.. look forward to see what you all do in february!

  9. Shara

    We have 3 pastor’s wives and I love the other two dearly and would do anything for them. We hang out with each other as much as possible :0)

  10. pamnash

    Well… I am JUST NOW starting this too =) we have a lot of staff wives too so I can’t meet one on one! But I did have a tea party in November for them… and one of our high school guys is into cooking so I had him make the scones! It was FUN and all our ladies got to know him too!!

    I want to do something in Feb too… I just don’t know what yet =)

    I do try to say hi and hug them on Sunday’s too…

    I want to do a retreat with them one of these days…

    Angie – YOUR last sentence made me really THINK too… I do WANT to know who each wife is… but really MORE than just to know who she is… I want to know about her as well! THANK YOU for the inspiration on that on!!!

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