Who's Your Pastor?

A couple of weeks ago, Jud and I were at a little conference with Compassion International. At lunch we sat next to this great pastor from Louisiana. He brought up a couple of things that have had me thinking over the last few days.

Here’s one. Our new friend leaned across our chicken salads and looked us in the eye and asked, “Who’s your pastor?’

Jud and I kind of looked at each other.

“Everyone needs a pastor. Pastors need pastors too. Who would you call if Jud was losing weight and really struggling? Who would you talk to if you were going through a hard time in your family? Who is YOUR pastor?”

I feel very blessed to say that we have a couple of friends that fit the bill, but if I’m a betting person I would guess that there are lots of leaders in ministry who don’t have a pastor that they could and would turn to. They minister to everyone else, but don’t have anyone that is a pastor to them.

I think it is an important question to ask. Who is your pastor? And, if you don’t have someone, maybe it is time to think that through a bit. Who could fill that role in your life?


14 thoughts on “Who's Your Pastor?

  1. brunettekoala

    Been having a rant about this for a wee while now.

    Something Sarah and I have chatted a lot about as we have people who supervise our counselling work, and general accountability about how our work is going, but spiritually we do not get fed or pastored by anyone really.

    I really believe that no matter what part of the ‘body of Christ’ you are – a welcomer, a host, a teacher, a smallgroup leader, youth leader, debt counsellor, prayer minister….you should be discipled by someone, and be discipling someone.

  2. brandiandboys

    so funny, that was one of the questions i had down for the roundtable. we also have a few friends who fit the bill… but it’s a strange dichotomy between being a pastor and needing a pastor.

  3. Lori Wilhite

    The told us that most pastor’s when asked will say that their pastor is their wife. I don’t know about you but that isn’t a responsibility that I want.

    It is a really interesting question.

  4. Jamie @ Six Bricks High

    As pastors ourselves, this is something my husband and I have been discussing for awhile now. It is a tough spot sometimes…and quite honestly, I often find ministry a lonely place.

    Great thought provoking post.

  5. Angie

    This is a great question. We probably struggled with this early on in marriage and ministry. But I believe we are in a good spot now. My husband has people in his life that he meets with on a regular basis for accountability, encouragement, growth and leadership. I think it really is needed especially when you give so much of yourself to other people.

    And speaking of Compassion International, Lori … that’s who Tim is in Nicaragua with. He was invited to go down and check out their facilities for future missions work. Tim is part of Lead 222 (which is out of Willow) that is especially for Youth Pastors across the nation. They organize missions trips each summer with students – international and domestic. They also have “Coaches” who mentor Youth Pastors and give them the encouragement and support they need in their job.

  6. Kim R.

    We have learned to be intentional about having mentors/accountability partners in our life; however,
    I first remember pondering this several years ago when our baby girl needed a majorly scary operation. I had been talking to another mother who had a child go through the same thing and I asked her how she made it through those hours while her baby was in the operating room. She said, “It really helped us having our pastor there.” I burst into tears and said, “But my HUSBAND is the pastor!”

    However, when the day came, we walked into the hospital waiting room and were surprised to find about 7 church members that we were close to already there. They totally ministered to us, and I think it was the first time we realized it was actually OK for us to accept that in return from others.

  7. DisneyCyndi

    OMG, Lori I am so glad you asked this question. When Marc and I went to WABC last year I asked the very same question. And everyone we talked to said well your husband is your pastor now. That sounds good, but I believe more and more each day that “we” need a pastor “we” can go to. Marc and I didn’t plant a church like most of you here but sometimes we feel like that is what we are doing and it sure would be nice to have someone to talk to. We have lots of minister friends and a few who are pastors, but none feel like “our” pastor. Does that make sense?

  8. Susanne

    Great question!! Fortunately, Chris and I still have a wonderful relationship with our “home” pastor, and we know we can go to him with our concerns/needs and even praise! Just the other day, he saw a note that Chris had posted on Twitter, and called to check on him. We are really blessed!! (His wife is precious, too!!)

  9. Susanne

    Also… I have a couple of other Pastor’s Wives, that “have my back” and I know I can call and share things (church planting wise, that others my not exactly “get”) and it goes NO FURTHER. I have found out that you have got to have a network of mentors/friends OUTSIDE your church in order to be healthy. Chris also attends a Church Planters Network once a month, and they also have a Life Coach assigned to them. It’s really been a great blessing, too!
    I guess what I am trying to say is that we need mentors to hold us accountable and encourage us. God provides them often in places that we may not expect. The key is to seek them out.

  10. Kevin


    What s great post! I am glad that I can say I have a pastor and spiritual father to look to who comes from a heritage that I am proud to be a part of today. My pastor has a pastor, as does he. I am flying to Lubbock, Texas in 2 weeks to spend a few days with these great men. They are always there when I need advice and encouragement. Even when I say, man God wants me to preach on this, but I am stumped.

    Love those men!

  11. Lori Wilhite

    @Jamie … I don’t think you are alone. I think loneliness in ministry is very common. It is really tough!

    @Angie … can’t wait to hear about Tim’s trip. Jud has gone with them to Equador. He is going to go with them again sometime in the near future. They are great!

  12. Angela De Souza

    That is a good question, I have kinda given up looking for & praying for someone & have accepted that perhaps one of the prices of ministry is loneliness. Blogs like yours really help, I appreciate hearing comments from other pastors wives 🙂 so thanks for taking the time to write your Blog. xxx

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