Almost every month I meet my dear friend Eve for breakfast. We meet at the same restaurant and sometimes even let our husbands join. 🙂 Eve says the purpose of our “meetings” is to give each other “oxytocin”. She’s seriously hilarious!
Eve and her husband Charlie have known our family for over ten-years. We’ve experienced a lot of life together and have been a part of our church from the very beginning. She is loyal, funny and loud!
Our conversations usually start out like this…
Eve: How are you my friend?
Me: I’m good!
We chitchat about life and start down rabbit trails which often lead to other trails causing us to forget how we got to the trail we’re currently on. Our conversations start with “how are you” and go a hundred different directions. It’s what I love about my “oxytocin time” with Eve. But sometimes I’m quiet. Sometimes I don’t want to chase trails. Sometimes my oxytocin is more toxic than life giving. Sometimes our conversations start with…
Eve: How are you my friend?
Me: I’m good. (insert flat negative tone here)
Eve: How are you and Justin doing?
Me: We’re good. (insert some more negative tone)
Eve: If you say you’re good one more time I might just….
I wish I could say I only respond to my friends with “I’m fine” or “we’re good” statements but I can easily drift to say them to my husband as well. Sometimes I just want to share the good and dismiss the bad. Ministry is messy enough so why should I bring more of the mess home? There’s always this temptation to champion the hearts of those in our congregation and allow our hearts to simply live at “fine”.
I’m thankful for Eve’s relentless pursuit of my heart this week. Yes, I was even thankful she threatened possible bodily harm if I didn’t fess-up. But most of all, I was thankful she helped me to remember to be okay with being ugly, woeful and boring because it’s both the good and the bad that make-up ALL of me.
So how can you relentlessly pursue your husband’s heart regardless of your circumstances?
Here are three gifts God has uniquely given to you to help you be more than just “fine”.
1. The gift of sex.
I know I may have made some jaws drop on this one. God created your husband to have sexual desires. Sexual brokenness is overwhelming rampant in our church these days and causes more fear rather than the gift it was meant to be. Sex is a gift that brings you together not just physically but emotionally and spiritually.
2. The gift of affirmation.
Regardless of the season of life you’re in the power of your words will always far out weigh the words of others. But just like my friend Eve, you may have to be bold and speak truth in love. You may have to share words even when you think they aren’t being heard.
3. The gift of rest.
Rest is a game changer! I don’t mean having the house clean, dinner ready and you dressed to the nines so your husband can come home and rest. I mean providing and protecting your days off by saying “NO” to things only you can. I think the saying “happy wife, happy life” should read “rested wife, happy life”. When you take the time to rest you will naturally want to help provide and experience times of rest with your husband.
How do you pursue your husband’s heart?