Truth vs. Grace

We put a lot of focus on community at Cross Point.  We encourage people to pursue and nurture connectedness… to build into others and allow those people to build into you.  But we all know relationships aren’t easy and some aren’t natural.  However relationships are worth the investment, studies show the one thing that distinguishes consistently happy people from unhappy people are rich, deep, life-giving relationships.

Healthy relationships require a balance of truth and grace. You won’t live in transformational community until you make truth a part of your conversations and language. Authentic relationships require us to extend and expect grace.

When I look at the majority of my friendships I realize I lean heavily toward grace and avoid truth.  Truth can cause conflict and I like to keep everyone happy!

But when I evaluate how I parent I tend to sway toward truth without extending enough grace!

And unfortunately, even recently I treated a Toys R Us cashier with a huge dose of truth when all she deserved was some grace

I’m working on my balance.  Praying that as God grows me he grows my ability to maintain a healthier balance between truth and grace.  To have the ability to say the hard things with love and a healthy motive.  To realize that my kids are kids… and sometimes I expect them to function more like adults.

How’s your truth and grace balance in relationships?  How’s your truth and grace balance as you lead?  Do you lean more toward truth or hover closer to grace?

Grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.  John 1:17b

14 thoughts on “Truth vs. Grace

  1. Missy

    I have been struggling with this same issue. I have not figured out how to use Truth in my friendships. It is just so scary, because unless the friend is a saint, they are going to be mad for at least a little bit. I am experiencing this right now with a good friend who is also a pastors wife. I don’t know how to take the friendship to that deeper level where Truth is expected,not just encouraging words and empathy. I am trying to think if my friends feel comfortable telling me the truth….hmmmm. This is really good stuff to think about.

  2. tam

    sometimes i think i lean too heavily on the truth side. not that withholding the truth is better but i often speak it before considering the way in which i deliver. its something i believe i adapted after realizing how much truth had been hidden from me all my life – so what ive gone and done is just blurt it out when i see it needs bearing. this is something ive been made well aware of through women who have come to me for advise or accountability and a couple women i serve with. so, just recently ive backed way off from ‘counseling’ women until i learn to better discern the moment and check my words.

    it iasnt easy. i mess up all the time.

    so, yes, i need continue work on finding that balance. i need to air much more on the side of grace in all areas of my life.

    oh brandi…i love your brain.

  3. DisneyCyndi

    Lately I think I have been leaning a bit more towards truth then grace. As a matter of fact recently I had to be brought down a notch and show some grace. That and patience seem to be the demon in my life at this moment. Life seems off balance at the moment in part because I’m still trying to find my place in this new world of mine.

  4. tracy

    I have been raised with so much truth spoken to me that it often came across as “religious” or legalistic and I have worked so hard on letting that go and leaning toward GRACE that I battle with balance quite often. I am an extremeist….. always looking for balance. Great thoughts!

  5. lindseyreadenobles

    I think if you are hovering anywhere between truth and grace you are doing good. Sometimes I find myself hovering on the lies and judgment scale. Ugh!

  6. Missy

    oooh, you had to go and bring up the third category “Lies and Judgement” such a good point. We get that confused with truth and grace all the time.

  7. Michele HElms

    OOOO, I totally sway toward the truth side but…I have 5 children and the Lord has taught me grace. I remember when I was in my 20’s and I was talking to one of my hero’s in the faith about spiritual gifts….Mine is prophesy….very black and white…thus the “truth” side :)….. I was boastfully proclaiming that I had almost no mercy and he wisely told me that as I matured as a Christian I would see the spiritual gifts become more equal in the way they “fleshed out” in my life although there would always be one that “motivated” That was hard to hear at the time but as I have matured I so see that more and more in my own life.

  8. abbieknaub

    After I read this on withoutwax, I couldn’t decide which way I lean, but maybe truth. BUT you hit it on the head – with friendships I lean toward grace and in parenting (and other family relationships) I favor truth! A better balance could be found in showing grace to my kids and hubby … and adding truth would make friendships less surface-y. Thanks!

  9. Steph

    WOw…I am on the same page with you as far as kids and other relationships. Thanks so much for this post. Good reminder for me.

  10. Trish

    Brandi ~ Its amazing how I lean towards Grace with certain people and Truth with others. I am a lot like you with my boys. It frustrates me how much I expect from them! Now that Micah is 13 I have to constantly remind myself that even though he can talk like a thirty-year-old he doesn’t think like one! Why this is so hard I have no idea. God is using Micah to really teach me how to grow-up in this area too! GREAT POST!

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