Posted by Brandi Wilson

This past weekend Lori and I had the opportunity to head out to sunny southern California to help teach at a retreat for Saddleback Church’s minister’s wives. We had a blast. Loved their team so much and loved the way they choose to invest in the wives of their leaders. A great time was definitely had by all.

On Saturday morning Lori and I did a Q & A panel with Kay Warren. First off, we both felt like we have no “wisdom” to offer that is greater than Kay’s. Seriously, we both adore her and she has influenced us so much we didn’t quite feel worthy to be up there with her. But up there we were. I have to say I really love how so many of our thoughts and concerns as pastors’ wives are universal. We all struggle with so many of the same issues.

While we were on the topic of criticism, which Lori answered beautifully, Kay followed up with something that I was so guilty of as a young pastor’s wife. She said,

When dealing with criticism make sure you don’t become a conduit to your husband. People will come to you just because they know you have your husband’s ear. Don’t be the person who takes him everyone else’s complaints.

Yep… Pretty sure that was me. Of course, I didn’t view it as a conduit at the time. My desire was to be helpful. And let’s be honest, when you have a small church plant sometimes we work toward keeping everyone “happy” because losing one person can make an impact. I remember leaving quite a few coffee dates thinking “They sure weren’t interested in me… but just using me as a communication tool to Pete.

I did learn fairly quickly to push those complaint to other people, usually the staff contact who it most directly effected or I would try to shut it down myself.

Ladies, you have a huge influence in your congregations and your marriages. Make sure you’re not being used as the person to take complaints to your husbands. Somethings he really needs to hear, but believe me, he’s probably very aware of negative situation before you bring it to him.

Have any of you fallen victim of being the conduit?

4 thoughts on “Conduits…

  1. Chaundel Holladay

    It was SOOOOOO awesome to have you and Lori with us this past weekend!! What a gift for our ministers’ wives. They are still talking about it.

    Yes – I, too, used to be tempted to be “the people’s voice” but learned (probably from Kay!) that it’s not a good idea.

  2. Michelle Meeks

    Oh yes, I have had those coffee dates too Brandi! Especially when we first started the church. It really got to me, I started to believe the lies that no one wanted to know me, they just wanted to talk to my husbands wife.

    Now, like you, if I sense a conversation in the hall is going to be a complaining sesh. I give them a staff members email address with a big smile on my face, because my unpaid position at the church is to be my husbands #1 cheerleader 🙂

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