A trip back to 2008 …
Posted by Tiffany Cooper
… I took a walk down memory lane this week. As I sat in bed with my laptop, I read through my husband’s old blog posts. Crazy enough, it felt similar to looking through my old baby pictures or high school year book. Thoughts passed through my mind…I was so young. Oh, I remember when that happened. We’ve learned so much since then. Then I came across a few of the guest blog posts I wrote for him. Today I’m sharing a blog post I wrote in 2008 titled “My Role as a Pastor’s Wife”. I remember this season. My kids were 4,3,1 and a baby on the way. I was immersed in toddler life. Ministry life was full of transitions and new milestones. It still feels like a blur recalling that season of life.
My Role as a Pastor’s Wife (Post from May 2008)
What is the role of a pastor’s wife? Thankfully, there is not a “one size fits all” mold for pastors’ wives. When we started People’s Church 6 years ago, I put every ounce of my energy into serving in any capacity I could. I loved it! When my first son was born (2003), I went through a difficult transition that altered my role as pastor’s wife.
I had to work through 3 issues:
1. Identity. Who am I? I realized that I found a great deal of identity in being ultra-involved in ministry. Once Cale was born my involvement decreased dramatically and I found myself questioning who I was. I was no longer a full-time school teacher, children’s church teacher, small group leader…the list goes on.
2. Purpose. What impact do I have on the Kingdom as a stay-at-home mom? I struggled with feeling insignificant. How could I make a difference if I was at home doing the “mommy thing” all day?
3. Outsider. I went from being in the inner circle to feeling like the outsider. I was no longer “in the know” about everything. It was hard to accept that others would know more than I did about certain aspects of the church and that others would be more involved than me.
I spent many moments talking with God about my struggles. It was easy to know my true identity and purpose in my mind, but it took a year for it to be solidified in my heart. I had to truly accept who I was in Christ, not the roles I liked to wear like a badge of honor. I now find freedom in the deep conviction that my first priority behind my walk with Christ is to be Herbert’s wife. My days are dedicated to raising my precious kids and instilling a love for God in their hearts. I serve in the children’s ministry every Sunday and attend a Community Group. I truly love this season of my life and would not change one thing! Besides, I’m confident that my best years of ministry are still ahead!
Life brings seasons of change and moments of transition. What are some of the defining transitions you’ve experienced in life and ministry? My big transition was finding value and purpose in being a daughter of God, not in the titles I possessed.
This is so good! I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart that I appreciate this blog. Two paragraphs can speak so loudly & encourage so deeply when it’s where you’re at. Thank you for being open & honest, and realizing the need for you to be. I love you for it!
I can definitely relate to what you’ve written. My boys are 7,6,4….and for now I’m home. I LOVE being a part of things…I always saw marriage as an opportunity to partner together….be best friends. I feel as though I’m the last to know everything….and rarely asked for an opinion. Its a really tough season. I know in my head that I hold a significant role in my husband and kid’s life….but its so much work forcing those thoughts down in to my heart. I pray everyday God would make it real, show me who I am in Him….I know what His Word says…I know what He says….not sure why its so hard to believe it, stand on it. Tough, tough season. Thank you for sharing.
I am getting ready to have to transition in ministry. For the past 7 yrs we have been a family of 3 and my son quickly became one of those kids who would just do ministry with Mom and Dad.
Now we have 2 foster kids. They are great but just have other needs. Not to mention that my home life has alot more going on than it use to. (Homework for 3 takes ALOT longer than it use to…)
I am currently struggling with what things are going to have to take a back seat for a season or for good.
Thanks for postings this message. My heart needed it!
This rings so true for me! I worked along side my husband for TEN years before we had our oldest and then when she was 18mo we began the process of church planting. Within weeks of our church launch I found out I was pregnant with our second. Everything changed. I’ve spent the past year and a half trying to get my footing on who I was in Christ, in marriage an in ministry. Thankfully I’m now coming to terms with what God has for me right now and pushing aside external (and probably non existent) expectations. Life is good!
I’m still in the throes of this transition being a stay at home mom. I feel out of the loop a lot. Our church is so small though so the needs and lack of volunteers seem to jump out at me as I see my husband struggle. How can I help more? I know I can’t but who can? Thanks for this post. It’s reminding me that I can’t fill all the positions and still be there for my husband and my kids (and my house). I’d love to know how other single-staffed pastor’s wives have managed this balancing act.
I find that after three years in the ministry as a pastor’s wife, I am now trying to “identify” what my role is. I feel like I am all over the place and yet whenever people in the church “feel” that it’s good, then I am doing good. But when they “feel” that it is bad, then I am doing bad. But thing that is good or bad is the exact same thing. So it’s good/bad depending on the opinion of the people. I get confused and frustrated. I see this time though as a transition as I am finally asking God to please lead me and give me conviction as to what He wants me to do. I know this is where He wants me to be yet I have never written down a purpose or mission statement for my life. I guess what I am saying is that my current transition is to have something written so that I can see where I’m at in this point and where I need to go. I hope this makes sense:/