How Did I Get Here … Lori's Story

Is there a worse possible freeze frame? I think not. Quick hit play so that I won’t be embarrassed.



22 thoughts on “How Did I Get Here … Lori's Story

  1. michellekapusta

    Thank you for sharing your story. I totally relate, mostly to feeling surrounded by amazing, capable, pastor’s wives who are leading staff wives or women’s ministries…and feeling I AM NOT able to do these things. I’m excited if I can keep my house running smoothly for 2 days straight. I do believe with all my heart that I am right where God wants me…I do believe I have a lot of growing to do…but I’m excited and thankful for you and Brandi doing this – being open and honest and REAL about the life of a pastor’s wife. I would love to participate in the virtual roundtables with you guys…..pray I can upgrade my ancient eMac!!

  2. Bonnie Beukelman

    Love that you went online with dark circles. I appreciate that. Half the time I don’t even get a chance to take a shower and someone from the church decides to drop by while I’m still wearing my pj’s and no bra. So just the fact that you would be real is absolutely deserving of my respect!

    I also dealt with the same thing and ended up overloading myself and pretty much despising the people I was supposed to be working. It was then that God spoke to me saying that His intent for my life was not to be “all that I can be” in the church. Meaning that I was not meant to be involved in everything, head up everything, nor try to be at everything. The reason God chose me for Jim was for Jim. He knew Jim needed someone to talk to when the church members had their crazy moments. Jim needed someone to be comfortable with, that was sane when he came home from ministering. That has since been my focus. God put me here to minister to him and be the rock when he’s too tired to think anymore. Now that’s obviously not for everyone but it’s why God chose me. It has been an extremely freeing time since then. Still ups and downs but I don’t feel the pressure anymore that I used to.

    Thanks for your honesty and desire to minister to us other wives (it’s kind of like being an army wife, maybe we need to have our own show).


  3. Alyson

    I don’t even remember how I got here a few weeks ago, but I am ever thankful that I did. I soooooo need this community!! We are currently in our 5th year of following a long term pastor. We have seen the “waves” of people leave as you described in one of your previous posts. Over the past month there has been so much stupid trauma drama go on, that is just ridiculous. So much so that we are questioning whether we are who this church needs at this time. Questioning, feeling inadequate, lost and lonely. I appreciate that this is a safe place to feel welcome, included and normal!! Can’t wait til the roundtable in December and becoming more involved here. Thanks for your leadership!!

  4. Sheila

    I’m not sure how I came across your blog, maybe through Clutch, can’t remember for sure. I am enjoying your posts!!! It’s funny because when me and my husband first started dating, actually on our first day, he asked me how I felt about marrying a youth pastor, I told him as long as he wasn’t the senior pastor I thought that would be okay. Well….during our 13 years of marriage he has had the role of youth pastor and the last few years as teaching pastor. In 8 weeks we will be moving to TN to plant a church and he will be the lead pastor….talk about God working!!! I sometimes think back to that question and wonder why I answered him in that way, what made me think I didn’t want to be the “senior” pastor’s wife, honestly I am not sure except that I guess in my mind the sr. pastor’s wife had to lead Bible studies and know all the right answers and be able to counsel other women and who knows what else I thought, it is amazing how God works and changes our hearts. Who would of thought 13 years later this is the path that God would have us on. We are super excited and pretty nervous about this new adventure!!! If their are any other planting wives out there I would love to connect with you!!!

  5. Laura

    You ask ‘How did you get here.’
    I am still in the process of getting there actually. For 2 years my husband was a youth director and I felt so overwhelmed…by the expectation I thought I had to fulfill, by the jealousy I felt towards the time my husband was giving to the church, by the lack of support I knew I wasnt giving to him. Now my husband is in seminary- and I look back at those years and feel deep regret at missed opportunities to serve, but also deep thankfulness that the Lord hasn’t given up on me and is changing this heart of mine. I just never thought I would marry a pastor and have so many emotions about it- sometimes incredible fear as I think of what the Lord may call us to do, other times incredible excitement. Most importantly I feel peace about my husbands calling and my place next to him, because I have learned to trust the Lords plan for my life. I still have a long way to go in my heart and look forward to the day when I might be in your position, loving and leading (or leading and loving it) 😉

  6. Lori Wilhite

    @Michelle … I do pray that you can upgrade and join us! 🙂

    @Lissa … I love and miss you too!

    @Sheila … You may have already done so … but if you are available Dec3rd we are having a roundtable for Church Planters/ Sr Pastors wives/ Campus Pastors wives. You can check it out by clicking on the “Virtual Gatherings” page at the top.

    So glad that you are all here!!

  7. Casie Stevens

    My path here started with me being the wife of a creative arts pastor and also a full-time staffer at our church. Being on the hunt for creative and encouraging stories from other churches, I found my way to Central’s website. Then a few months and a plane ride later, I found myself in a seat at the Henderson Campus while visiting my brother at Christmas. A few Facebook and blog connections later, I found myself here.

    And I’m super glad:)

  8. brunettekoala

    Seriously…didn’t even notice the dark circles til you pointed them out Lori!! You look amazing, and you are amazing!

    How I got here…well it started when I was trying to show Brandi an easier way to put on a duvet cover almost a year ago bizarrely! But also because I really wanted to find other women in leadership to connect with, because I’ve found myself in a position of being young, single and feeling totally out of my depth. I don’t know what I’m doing.

    I think also because I find you guys in the US so much more positive and optimistic than us pessimists in the UK where we seem to be looking for something to complain about, and snuff out people’s passion and ideas because we think about everything that will ‘probably go wrong’. So you guys have blessed me so much because you’re all so encouraging.

    But also feel like an impostor for not being a pastor’s wife. Or even a wife full stop! 🙁

  9. justafishinabowl

    I am so thankful for you! I’ve felt like I was “not enough” since we went into the ministry full time in late 2005- with my husband’s first position being a campus pastor. It was easier to be a campus pastor’s wife… I felt a little less pressure… there were bigger fish up the food chain. 🙂

    Things quickly went south with the “mother” church and our church separated- making my husband the senior pastor of a sixteen-month old plant church. Which made me the (gulp) Lead Pastor’s wife. (We went with Lead because it sounded less pretentious to us). Neither one of us have been to Bible college or seminary- in fact, my husband left the road as a State Trooper to fill the original position of campus pastor.

    What a ride it’s been. I am slowly learning to breathe- and more importantly, that I can’t be all things to all people. I’m not a counselor… I’m not an accountant (though I work in the church office and do accounting-ugh!)… and I’m definitely not a youth sponsor. I am coming to understand that there is no separation from ministry in my life. I work at the church office 40 hours a week, have church on Sunday, and beyond that… I’m the pastor’s wife. There is very little down time for me. My husband and I are working towards the ultimate goal of getting me out of the church office- it may be another year or so… but I think that will help my mindset and my ability to be more supportive of him!

    Thanks for what you’re doing! You are loved!

  10. [email protected]

    I am not sure how I got here last week some time…..I think Brandi tweeted something that brought me here.
    I’ve been a pw for almost 10 years now. It is the hardest thing that I think God could have ever asked of me. I am a girl who longs for deep friendships and this pw life — it’s lonely. i can’t have the kind of friendships with church members that I am looking for.

    Also, I didn’t read the post about waves of people leaving but I’d really like to. We don’t have people leaving right now — just people making life hard for us because we aren’t the previous pastor and family.

    Anyway – glad I found this site! Thanks!

  11. brandiandboys

    @michelle i think you should add a macbook to your christmas list. surely jeff sees the need for you to join us! 🙂

    @brunettekoala to think it all started with your sweet little duvet video! 🙂

  12. Scott Simmons

    Hi Lori. Great video and great ministry!! Other than the black hair you haven’t changed a bit! ( it looks really cool, BTW.)

  13. Scott Simmons

    To add to that, you still look the same as you did 10 years ago and you still have that fun spirit that we all have always loved about you, but it is so inspiring to see thru your posts how much you have grown as a leader, a mom, and how you have found your niche as a pastor’s wife. 🙂

  14. Tabitha

    I was actually thinking about your blog the other day. We currently have some friends who we had started out in ministry with who are leaving their church due to various reasons. I wondered if she had had a circle of other Pastor’s wives to REALLY talk to if it would have made a difference. When I had the chance to talk to her, we ended up discussing the weight of ministry the whole time. It’s amazing how many women feel the same way.

  15. Robin Jeter


    Thanks for sharing your story. I found your website a quiet a few weeks ago by seeing a link on Brandi Wilson’s site (who I’ve been following for more than a year). This is a great site and a great ministry to pastor’s wives. My story is that my husband got into the ministry only 3 years ago and dropped out of a very good career to do so. I fully support his commitment but it has been and is quiet a ride. He was an executive pastor at a large church in the northeast and about a year ago felt very strongly called to plant a church in southwest Florida. We have just recently moved our family to SW FL in 9/09 of this year. We are trusting in God as we know no one in this area. My husband is meeting people who share his vision and things are moving along. I am so thankful that I found this site and can connect with other pastor’s wives.

    Sheila …. we should connect as we are in a very similar situation.

    Brandi…My husband and I were in Nashville a year ago and visited your church. We loved it and both follow your husbands blog daily.

    I am signed up for the December 3rd round table and looking forward to meeting other pastor’s wives.

  16. Lori Wilhite

    @Mindymc5 … I’m emailing you that link so that you can check it out. We’ve been exactly where you are .. and probably will be again someday!

    @Casie … didn’t realize you’d been at Central! Next time you’re in Vegas you’ll have to come say hi!

    @brunettekoala … don’t ever feel like an imposter! I certainly don’t think that way! You are an awesome lady … involved in VERY important leadership!

    @Scott … thanks … and my hair will only be black for a while longer then I’ll move on to some other crazy color! 🙂

    @justafishinabowl … praying that you guys will be able to hit that goal … and that you’ll be able to find some margin as you guys lead!

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