Help, I blame ministry.

Posted by Tiffany Cooper

What do you do when your spouse feels called to ministry and you wish they didn’t? Where do you channel your feelings of dislike? Do you punish your spouse? Do you try to make them feel miserable enough to quit? It’s easy to unfairly blame the ministry for our own self-imposed misery.

Common areas we tend to wrongfully place blame on ministry:

Blame: We never have quality time together.

Reality: We are putting the needs of the ministry above our family needs. We blame the ministry for our lack of planning and lack of boundaries. We have to make time for our family.

Blame: Life would be easier if my spouse had another profession.

Reality: Ministry is hard because life is hard. The grass looks greener on the other side until you get over there and realize they also have high (maybe higher) expectations from your spouse. A new job will not magically create a challenge-free life full of quality time together.

Blame: I’m lonely because of the ministry.

Reality: Ministry does have it’s own set of unique friendship hurdles. On the flip side, most women struggle on some level with friendships regardless of their profession. A recent study found that most people have 2 close friends. I don’t know about you, but because of ministry, I have more than 2 close friends. If you don’t, Leading and Loving It is a great place to develop friendships with women who understand your life.

Over the next couple of weeks, we are going to discuss how to change our perspective and replace ministry misery with happiness. We’ll also tackle some of the tough issues, including those mentioned today, with honesty.

Can you think of other areas we tend to wrongfully place blame on the ministry? Or, are there really areas where ministry creates misery? Let’s be real. We want to hear your thoughts!

8 thoughts on “Help, I blame ministry.

  1. Toni Camp

    Blame: I have to watch everything I do and say because we are in the ministry.

    Reality: I should do it anyway b/c I am a child of God.

    Thanks Tiffany!! All of those things are very real thoughts I think we all have battled!!!

  2. Amy Argo

    Brilliantly stated! I SO wish someone would have given me this advice when I was a young ministry bride. Thanks, Tiffany!

  3. Tiffany Cooper

    You’re welcome, Amy! I sometimes feel embarrassed about the ideas I had my first years in ministry:) Life is a great teacher!

  4. Maddy Fink

    I’ve done the same thing…actually to be honest the leading and loving it conferance is the first time I’ve realized that I’m also called to the ministry.

  5. Anna Futral

    My husband is youth minister so I volunteer a lot and help out with the youth. It was rather tough at first as we figured out the new expectations on each of us, but after we kind of got the hang of it, we realized we make a great team! You might be surprised how much fulfillment you get from considering this partly your calling too…with appropriate boundaries for your sanity of course!

  6. Meggie Martins

    Great word!

    I’m not a minister’s wife..but a daughter…and we know worship is our family’s calling..
    We’ve been through many struggles on my 20 years of life..I’m sure my parents have been through more…
    Though we are now struggling with lack of support..and so many things messed up from the root it’s kind of misleading where to start from…
    On these 20 years…painfully learning the church is not a perfect place and with perfect people…
    God has never failed us..and never will!
    It’s still apleasure to sing and lead for him!
    I don’t regret any of these painful lessons..and as a minister’s daughter I don’t feel disincouraged to marry a minister myself one day…if that’s God will..but I’m ready for whatever He has for me..
    If you feel disincouraged remember God placed you where you are for a reason,with a purpose..He is faithful..He NEVER fails us!
    God bless you all

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