Category Archives: You Asked

You Asked Pt 12

yellow-window2 Here is another question from Tammy: Do you allow your husband to tell you about his frustrations at work? If so, how do you keep from then feeling bitter towards the person that caused your husband’s angst? If you have a rule where he doesn’t share his dirty frustrations of work with you, how do allow him to still be real with you? I recognize that a husband needs to feel like he can be open, honest, and real at home—and if he can’t be real there, would I even want him to connect deeply with someone else? Don’t I want him to know that he can trust me? But, can he really trust me if I’m going to harbor bitterness against people in the church?

The short answer is that Jud doesn’t tell me much about interpersonal frustrations at the church. He is very protective of me … and he is also very protective of our staff. He doesn’t talk about those issues with anyone, including me. I do get to hear about the wins … the victories … the vision of the church. Jud knows he can come to me at anytime about anything. He has before and will again, I’m sure. Of course, I often times wish I knew more, I can admit it. But I trust him, and I know he feels the responsibility of his leadership in that area.

And here’s the truth … I don’t have a balanced view when it comes Jud or the kids. I don’t like it when people are mean to any of them one bit. My mother bear claws come out quickly. So it is probably a good thing that I can interact with everyone without any carried over hurts of my own. 🙂

I know every couple in ministry does it differently, but that is what works for us.

Anyone else wanna share? How much does your spouse tell you or vice versa? And how do you handle the hard stuff?

You Asked Pt 10

5 Replies

yellow-window-1 After reading this, Jen asked: As Jud’s biggest supporter did you ever feel at one time or another that you gave up on your own passions and heart for something in order to be there for him and to be that support? Before you guys were married or after.

Jud hasn’t ever asked me to give up anything. On the contrary, he has been nothing but super supportive. He has spent plenty of time watching the kids for me so I could do ministry things too. That isn’t to say though, that I haven’t needed to give up some things over the years for our family. I think everyone probably has to do that at one time or another. It has always been my decision. At the end of the day I am passionate about ministry (my own and Jud’s) and our family. So, it is usually a win/win situation for me.

The one time I gave up a ministry when I didn’t really want to was leaving College Ministry. Jud had transitioned onto the leadership team as the Teaching Pastor. He handed the reigns over to the next guy. I knew that for the good of the ministry I needed to move along too. I needed to let the new guy get his feet under him without me in the way. The kids needed some time to get to know him and bond with him. It was hard … and honestly, I didn’t really want to leave. But I knew that it was the best thing to do at the time.

What about you? Have you ever had to give up something in order to be more supportive of your husband’s ministry?

You Asked Pt 8

12 Replies

judlori2 Hope you aren’t getting bored of me answering your questions, but Lane Moore asked: What do you do or how do you support your husband in ministry? (By the way, this is the picture that convinced me to cut my hair … yikes!)

I do all the usual things. I pour on the words of affirmation. I show up and support with my presence as much as I can. But I think the most important kind of support I can give Jud is the opportunity to recharge. It is funny that most of the Senior Pastor’s that I know (especially of large churches) are introverts. The job however is VERY extroverted in nature. So, Jud needs lots of alone time to recharge.

When we were first married, I fought this a bit. I missed him since he was working so much. When he got home, I wanted him to hang out, chat, whatever. I didn’t really realize that he was super depleted and I was getting the fumes. Now, I try to make sure that Jud gets some alone time around the house by himself. Alone with his laptop and books. Then when we are hanging out and chatting, I don’t get the sad leftovers … I get the revived and reenergized Jud, which is better for both of us … and better for the kids, ministry and church as well.

What do you do to support your spouse in ministry? Or what does your spouse do for you?

You Asked Pt 7

9 Replies

Noochymama, in response to this, asked: On the parenting topic, what’s your best advice for being a mom to a boy!? i have one and one on the way.

I do have the sweetest little boy. Actually he isn’t little at all. He is a giant 5 year old who is a head taller than the other kids in his preschool class. He is sweet though. And independent. Fiercely independent. And so much like his daddy.

The best advice I ever got was from my friend Marina who has two beautiful and very active children, too. She always said, “This too shall pass.” And that little bit of encouragement has really helped me over the years.

Since Ethan has come into our bedroom about 3:00 am almost every morning of the last 5 years and twirled my hair until he wakes up, I just think “This too shall pass.” Surely he won’t be 16, walk in, throw his keys on the dresser, climb in between us and start messing with my hair.

When he is yelling at the top of his little lungs … this too shall pass. Surely to goodness, I will someday convince him that there are other volume levels besides LOUD and LOUDER.

When he is pushing every button that I have at the exact same time … this too shall pass. I don’t know how … but I’m praying that he develops some self-control at some point.

Probably not advice … but it is a little bit of sanity. He really has so many wonderful, beautiful qualities about him. He is so incredibly funny. He loves life and joy oozes out of him. That little saying helps me concentrate more on those great things and refuse to dwell on the challenges.

What is your best parenting advice?

You Asked Pt 6

8 Replies

white-window Here was another question from Mandy. “How many of the services do you typically attend?”

This question has a pre-kid and post-kid answer. Before we had the kids, I was at every service … well, that probably isn’t true. I think we had an 8:00 am service at the time, and doubt I hit that very often. But other than that, I was pretty much there for everything.

Then we had kids. Kids that went first to childcare and now their own classes. As much they love their classes, they can only take so much before they start acting crazy. So, now I can only go to a couple.

At Central, we have 4 different campuses. Our Summerlin Campus has 3 services. (Alison who comments here is married to the campus pastor.) Our Southwest Campus has 2 services. (Stacy who hangs out here too is married to the campus pastor there.) I don’t make it to those campuses very often. Our Henderson Campus, which is the original, has 5 services. The kids and I attend the two on Saturday night. I say all of that because I wish I could be at every service. I would if I could, but I can’t, and I don’t. And truly, it is probably good for me not to be at all of them. But I was really missing Sunday mornings.

That is why I was thrilled when we started our Online Campus. There are 8 services there. I attend two services in my PJs with my laptop and headphones and a kid on each side of me watching Sponge Bob. It is awesome!

So, after one very complicated and convoluted answer to a simple question … I usually attend 4 services, two of which I don’t even leave home for.

What about you guys? How many services do you usually attend? How many are offered at your church?