Category Archives: security

A Sword For The Battle: Insecurity

Unlocked: From Uncertainty

Written by Trisha Davis

God is big enough to handle anything. Our fears. Our questions. Our beautiful uncertainties. – MANDY HALE

It only seems fair and fitting to start this post with a confession: I’m a lover of all things routine, it’s true. I like shopping at the same stores. I like to read my bible in the same sunny corner on my living room couch. I love planning my life out one calendar and “to do” list at a time. I LOVE ROUTINE!

But life is filled with all kinds of uncertainties, from small things like what to have for breakfast, to big things like what will the future hold. Uncertainty feels scary and for many of us, the anxiety we feel over the unknowns of life, can make us hesitant, even second guessing our daily decisions. Over time, the weight of languishing in our fears and doubts leaves us exhausted, stuck in a cycle of defeat rather than the joy-filled-life we were meant to live.

In January 2015, my husband and I announced we were leaving our beloved Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN, to plant Hope City Church in Indianapolis, IN. On top of leaving and planting a church, my oldest son was a few short months away from graduating from high school. Trisha Davis1 Every facet of my life was about to change. The uncertainty of how my life was going to look after leaving my life in Nashville, as well as the gut wrenching process of launching a child into the world, almost broke me.

But instead of breaking, Jesus met me in my
fear and disbelief. When I felt like I was drowning in the vagueness of my future, paralyzed to fully engage in the life I was currently living, God was faithful. God took my fragile, grieving heart and gave me perspective to see uncertainty as a beautiful invitation to grow in my faith.

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. Hebrews 11:1

Throughout Hebrews 11, several verses start out with “by faith”. Story after story of people faithfully stepping-out into their own uncertainties to find a faithful God. When we get honest with God about our fears over a future we can’t see, he meets us, draws us close and whispers “trust me”. And each time we trust him, our faith grows. “By faith” we unlock our anxiety and replace it with peace. We unlock our fears and replace them with joy. Then, we are free to live a peace and joy-filled life with our God who from generation to generation, is faithful yesterday, today and forever!

The Best Me Possible.

3 Replies

Posted by Mardia Lira—Director of Dirigiendo con Amor (Leading & Loving It Spanish)

Today is another one of those days I am busy just trying to finish odds and ends. I live far from my family; my parents and siblings live in Mexico while I am in Las Vegas, Nevada. Because of this separation I often turn to social media to stay “connected.”

I enjoy viewing photos and reading posts by my family and friends (and even those that are not exactly friends) on social media. I see pictures and imagine the stories behind them. Today is no exception. Social media has not only invaded my computer but also my mobile phone—that on occasions is abuzz with constant notifications at inconvenient times. I follow many people that inspire me, especially on Twitter, which seems to be less about gossip compared to other sites.

Have you noticed that while observing others you find yourself scrutinizing, or more often than not, criticizing?! You not only observe others, but you label them and at the same time label yourself. You think, “She is such an amazing mom…and me…I’m just another frustrated mom!”

It may seem as if what you do have is never enough and that you’re always missing something. Instead of feeling joy and happiness for my friends, the information overload produces a sense of comparison— constantly thinking that I am not good enough at the things that others are.

“I can’t cook like that,” “My kids don’t have that unbelievable smile and that perfect hair,” “I haven’t visited those fabulous destinations. I need to get out more!” “My comments on Facebook are not as spiritual as those…” And here is where the comparison game starts to take root in my life.

Simply put social media does not aid us in being content (happy) with what we have.

Far from celebrating and feeling overwhelmingly happy for what I see in others, my vision of life is reduced to thinking about the things I lack. I put aside all the great and wonderful things that I do have, all to compare myself to my friends’ pictures (that at times may not even be real… yes, I know).

But in the comparison game, there are no winners.

We compare ourselves so much to the point that we don’t know what to do in our own existence. We lose sight of how to function and stray from our true purpose!

Galatians 6:4 reads “Pay close attention to your own works, only then will you reap the satisfaction of having done good and you will not feel the need to compare yourself to others.”

If you constantly compare yourself to others, you will never enjoy what you do have today.

God created each of us with a specific purpose, with abilities and skills that are different from those of others. And if we add the fact that there are different times and seasons in our lives, we will realize that we cannot compare ourselves to others. We are all unique beings!

Be yourself! God created you for a special purpose. Find out what that purpose is, and focus your attention there. My prayer is that your life would be so focused on advancement and improvement that you have no time left to criticize others.

If you shift your focus from God as your target and you set your eyes on others, you will only harvest frustration.

Let’s focus on being the best us possible. Let’s enjoy what we have.

Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are his workmanship, having been created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared beforehand so we may do them.”

If only for a moment, you could see how much God truly loves you and how He sees you, it would completely change your life.

Be the best you possible. You are one of a kind.

Today, how will you choose to focus on being the best you possible?

Marriage Bloopers. Part 5

1 Reply

This is the last of our Marriage Bloopers Series.

“Blooper” is such a cute word. It’s an “oops”. And it can seem like no big deal. But when we continue to blooper without changing for healthy and the better, the oops/blooper can become a moral failure.

I did that.

We all love to be acknowledged. We want to matter. We want to be worthy and count for something. And let’s be honest… there is NO WAY to be 100% prepared for what marriage is going to be. We grow up reading about the princess meeting the prince, love at first sight and happily ever after. Instead, we are greeted with conflict that naturally arises between two people who lose all their personal space and have been raised in two fairly different families.

A shift happens once we say “I do!”

Bills.
Crisis.
Debt.
Conflict without proper resources to work it out.
Focusing on unmet expectations.
Forgetting to say “I love you.”
Becoming glorified roommates.

The “blooper” I’m gonna talk about is much more than a “blooper”. It was a moral failure. In July of 2006, I chose to step into an affair that changed the course of my life forever.

I don’t want to focus on the affair today though. We can… another day… or you can ask me questions. I’m quite open about it and will talk about whatever you’d like to talk about… but let’s talk about the root of the issue. The affair was the result of a plethora of bloopers that went unchecked… and my affair was simply one possible manifestation of the many that could have happened in the course of malfunction I chose.

In the wake of our three year battle with infertility, my heart needed attention and love. Instead of communicating with Brian in a deep and honest way that I was broken and empty, I made myself believe I would be fine and it would get better… tomorrow. Instead of confiding in a friend that I felt alone, I continued to act as if I had it all together.

It’s amazing how lonely one can feel in a full room of people.

In my failure to partake in true community and communication, I had no other option than to choose darkness and secrecy. In my quest to find my place of belonging, I chose the most heartbreaking rejection instead. My biggest blooper ever… choosing to hide.

Don’t let your fears lead you to isolation. Don’t allow your bloopers to define who you are. Saying “That’s just who I am” and “I’m fine” is no longer a good enough. Be who God has called you to be: Blooper-free!

And for those of us who have bloopered beyond what we think is repairable… I can tell you this: But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8). You matter. You were bought with a price. Grace resides in what seems to be the most graceless situations. There IS a tomorrow. We are in this together… so don’t give up.

What have you learned from YOUR bloopers?

You can catch the previous Blooper posts here:
Part 1 – By Cindy Beall
Part 2 – By Jenni Clayville
Part 3 – By Trisha Davis
Part 4 – By Cindy Beall

Marriage Bloopers. Part 2

9 Replies

Posted by Jenni Clayville.

This year marks Brian and my 13th year as man and wife. Lucky number 13.

It’s funny… Brian and I rarely fight anymore. We have conversations. We have disagreements. We have dialogue… but we don’t really fight.

In the first few years of our marriage, we fought. Like Cindy & Chris… we fought. And when I say “we fought”, what I really mean is Brian would avoid conflict, and I would push for it. We didn’t know it at the time, but what I wanted was to encourage dialogue to work through an issue and what Brian was avoiding was anything that resembled a disagreement. Not a good combination.

One day, I was trying to talk through a situation (God knows what now…) and Brian barely even looked at me. He didn’t want to start a fight so he kept his eyes glued on the tv. All I could see was how disengaged he was. I mistook his desire for peace as a sign of him not caring. So instead of putting him at ease, I pushed the issue more. I nagged. I sighed. I gave him the silent treatment while I cleaned the kitchen… loudly. However… I only grew more and more furious in his silence.

I noticed our brand new beautiful toaster oven had crumbs sitting on the bottom. I had asked him “a MILLION” times to use the tray included in the oven when toasting to help alleviate a mess. As I tried to clean it in my fury, I realized how little control I had. I wanted to talk. I wanted his attention. I wanted a clean toaster… but I was obviously not approachable at the time.

Next thing you know, I’m hurling my beautiful brand new toaster oven with all my might down to the ground. I hated this toaster oven and all it’s fake beauty. I picked it up just to hurl it down again.

My husband, who was previously trying to avoid any drama, could no longer ignore me.

I was in tears. Hysterical. Literally over bread crumbs.

Before I could pick up the oven again to smash it some more, Brian grabbed me and pulled me into his chest. I’m 5’2″ and he’s 6′ tall. When he chooses to hold me, he HOLDS me.

He didn’t yell at me or call me crazy (though I’m pretty sure I was certifiable at that moment), but he held me tight and said nothing. There was nothing that could be said. He just held me. And loved me.

I wish I figured it out then (of course it took me till after a much BIGGER blooper)… but if I had simply said “Babe… I need you to turn that off so we can talk” that day, I would probably still have a toaster oven. Imagine… actually trying to communicate instead of trying to manipulate a situation.

Because I couldn’t control the situation and because I didn’t know how to TRULY communicate, I threw an adult sized tantrum. I assumed a lot that day. I assumed my husband didn’t care. I assumed I was alone. I didn’t have his best interest in mind either. I was out to win. Win what? I don’t know. Obviously nothing that mattered.

Instead of throwing my obvious lack of sanity in my face, my husband held me. He showed me he wasn’t going anywhere. He didn’t engage in my crazy and he didn’t elevate the dramatics of the situation. He calmed them. He was the one who acted like a grown-up and communicated without words.

Isn’t it interesting how we try to avoid the hard work of communication? Why can’t they just read our minds? A marriage takes work… and the first part is learning to understand and hear each other.

How do you communicate effectively? Tell us!

In other news… I’ve never gotten another toaster oven.