Category Archives: expectations

Tweet This. – Part 5

Unlocked: From Expectations

Written by Liz Sarno

Three years into our church plant, a disgruntled couple stated that one of the main reasons they were leaving our church was because I did not speak to them when I first arrived at church each week. I would typically arrive a little late on Sunday mornings for sound check. I was responsible for getting my older daughter, two babies, strollers and diaper bags to church each week. Upon my arrival, I would sprint through the church in time to grab my microphone and join the members of the praise team, who were all patiently waiting for me. I smiled and waved at everyone I passed in the building, but didn’t stop to make small talk. I did make a point to speak to this particular couple each and every week after service, but clearly it wasn’t enough. I did not meet their expectations, and I allowed it to devastate me.

While this was my first experience dealing with the unmet expectations of our congregation members, it was unfortunately not the last. Over the years I’ve heard many opinions on how I should act, talk, dress, and live my life. Knowing I fell short of the expectations of others caused me to struggle. As someone who used to conscientiously attempt to not displease people I can tell you that no matter who you make happy, there will always be someone else who will be unsatisfied. Ultimately, if you allow this to rock your world, you will end up being unhappy in the process.

Galatians 1:10 was a huge key to unlocking this for me, and I believe it will also set you free. It says, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Recognizing that there is only ONE expectation that you truly need to meet will enable you to seek God’s approval instead of the approval of people. If you are measuring up to God’s standards, it doesn’t matter if you fail to meet the expectations of others.

Do you remember when Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey with crowds of people cheering Him on? One week later, those same people were shouting “crucify him!” The people who are our biggest cheerleaders can turn into our biggest critics when we don’t measure up to what they expect from us. We can’t allow ourselves to be bound by their expectations. Decide that God’s opinion is the only one that matters and choose to live your life according to His standard. Even when you don’t quite measure up, you will never fall short in His eyes.

Bootleggin’ and grievin’.

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I didn’t even cry the day my doctor told me that I had a stress fracture in my fibula and that I would not be running in the OKC Memorial Marathon. I didn’t have a quivering chin when he gave me a sad face knowing I would have to pull out of the race just five days away. I had talked myself into an “it’s only a race” perspective.

The day of the race came and I hopped onto Instagram and saw a video from a friend. And it made me sad. Because this person was doing what I had trained for several days a week come rain, wind, cold, or strained muscles. He was crossing the finish line after running his half marathon.

And the next thing I knew, I was wiping tears off my cheeks. Not because someone had been diagnosed with cancer or because my child was hurt. No, I cried because I wanted to run for and remember those who couldn’t run. To accomplish a goal at age 43 that I never imagined I could. Nothing huge in the grand scheme of things, but still, a loss.

So I grieved.

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Maybe you have the most amazing life, like me, and yet you still have those moments where you feel sadness over small things. It’s hard to accept this because we feel so petty complaining over losses in our lives that are small while others are writhing in pain from the loss of something so much bigger. But those little things do hurt us even if we tell ourselves they don’t.

So we should grieve, but not for long.

We shouldn’t grieve as those without hope. And we certainly should not stay in a never-ending pity party. No, we should recognize our small loss, grieve it and then tell God we trust Him to do what He promised: Use it for our good and His glory.

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My running partner finished the race in record time. She sent videos to us on GroupMe. And when she crossed the finish line, she sent me a text that simply said “Done.”

And I rejoiced.

“My heart and my flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26

Do you find yourself getting over little losses easy or does it take a while? I’d love to hear your heart and see how you walk through small disappointments in life.

Ministry Monster

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Posted by Tiffany Cooper

Monsters! Children have dreams about them hiding in closets and the entertainment industry earns millions preying on society’s fears simply because we allow our minds to believe in the possibility of the creature in the closet. (I know this because my youngest often turns on his bedroom light in the middle of the night for fear of the unknown.) Unfortunately, if we’re not careful, we sometimes allow ministry to prey on us and a ministry monster is created. Instead of having a outlook of hope and faith, we let the challenges of ministry overwhelm us, leaving us with negatives feelings and fears.

Just like a child grows to realize monsters are created in their imagination, we too can defeat the creation of the ministry monster. Here are a few suggestions:

KNOW and ACCEPT that YOU can’t do it all. You are one person and you alone will not solve all the problems in your sphere of life. Do what you can, nothing more, and say to yourself, “I’ve done the best I could today.”
Set realistic boundaries. Life in the ministry is unique from many other schedules. STILL, I encourage you to create time to STOP and refuel yourself from all you give out each day. BE REALISTIC about your schedule, BE PROACTIVE about carving out time and BE COMMITTED to following through! Most importantly, seek the Lord for strength, wisdom, and rest.
Be honest and let go of things that are draining you in a negative way. Many times there is another solution to a need if we take the time to analyze and think about it. The solution may come immediately or through a process of transition. You may be investing a great deal in an area of ministry because there is a need, not because you feel passionate about it. I celebrate you for that! Stay faithful in your season while searching for a solution.
Keep your spouse and friends accountable and vice versa. My husband is super great at letting me know when he thinks I am doing too much. He notices when I’ve let too many things on my plate, when I feel overwhelmed and when I fail to give myself time to refuel. We keep one another in check in regards to the personal health.
Have fun! I like to think that monsters have a hard time surviving in an atmosphere of fun. The more you ENJOY LIFE the more you’ll ENJOY MINISTRY!!! And, the more your ENJOY MINISTRY the more you’ll enjoy LIFE!!!

We want to hear from you! What are other ways we can prevent the monster of ministry from creeping into our lives? Thoughts?

When to say yes.

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Posted by: Jessica Cornelius

How do you know what to say ‘yes’ to? This is one of the questions many women that live busy lives continually ask. After meeting with several godly women in ministry, this is some of the advice they have given.

1. “ I should have said no to the things I could have said no to.” This statement came from someone who is much further along in ministry than all of us. I value her wisdom because she is at a point in life where she can look back at where most of us are now. Learning from her warning is better than learning the hard way.

2. Before you say yes to anything, think through everything it is going to take to make it happen. Look at your calendar and see what you have going on before and after the particular event you are being invited to. Looking at the invite from a broader perspective will help you see if you are going to have the energy and time to fit the event into your schedule. Of course, we all think we can say yes when we just look at the event isolated from all of the other things we have to do.

3. Don’t say yes when you are tired or rushed. You won’t make good decisions.

4. Check your motives. Make sure you are being governed by the Holy Spirit, not guilt or people pleasing.

5. Give of your time cheerfully, not with resentment. 2 Corinthians 9:7 says, “Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” This verse also applies to the giving of our time.

Ask yourself if six months from now you will be glad you said yes. If you can tell you are going to be dreading the fact that you said yes, every day until the day comes, do not say yes! You will rob yourself of so much joy just by thinking about how mad you are that you said yes.

How do you know when to say yes?