Tag Archives: grace

Marriage Bloopers. Part 5

This is the last of our Marriage Bloopers Series.

Jenni & Brian Clayville“Blooper” is such a cute word. It’s an “oops”. And it can seem like no big deal. But when we continue to blooper without changing for healthy and the better, the oops/blooper can become a moral failure.

I did that.

We all love to be acknowledged. We want to matter. We want to be worthy and count for something. And let’s be honest… there is NO WAY to be 100% prepared for what marriage is going to be. We grow up reading about the princess meeting the prince, love at first sight and happily ever after. Instead, we are greeted with conflict that naturally arises between two people who lose all their personal space and have been raised in two fairly different families.

A shift happens once we say “I do!”

Bills.
Crisis.
Debt.
Conflict without proper resources to work it out.
Focusing on unmet expectations.
Forgetting to say “I love you.”
Becoming glorified roommates.

The “blooper” I’m gonna talk about is much more than a “blooper”. It was a moral failure. In July of 2006, I chose to step into an affair that changed the course of my life forever.

I don’t want to focus on the affair today though. We can… another day… or you can ask me questions. I’m quite open about it and will talk about whatever you’d like to talk about… but let’s talk about the root of the issue. The affair was the result of a plethora of bloopers that went unchecked… and my affair was simply one possible manifestation of the many that could have happened in the course of malfunction I chose.

In the wake of our three year battle with infertility, my heart needed attention and love. Instead of communicating with Brian in a deep and honest way that I was broken and empty, I made myself believe I would be fine and it would get better… tomorrow. Instead of confiding in a friend that I felt alone, I continued to act as if I had it all together.

It’s amazing how lonely one can feel in a full room of people.

In my failure to partake in true community and communication, I had no other option than to choose darkness and secrecy. In my quest to find my place of belonging, I chose the most heartbreaking rejection instead. My biggest blooper ever… choosing to hide.

Don’t let your fears lead you to isolation. Don’t allow your bloopers to define who you are. Saying “That’s just who I am” and “I’m fine” is no longer a good enough. Be who God has called you to be: Blooper-free!

And for those of us who have bloopered beyond what we think is repairable… I can tell you this: But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8). You matter. You were bought with a price. Grace resides in what seems to be the most graceless situations. There IS a tomorrow. We are in this together… so don’t give up.

What have you learned from YOUR bloopers?

You can catch the previous Blooper posts here:
Part 1 – By Cindy Beall
Part 2 – By Jenni Clayville
Part 3 – By Trisha Davis
Part 4 – By Cindy Beall

Truth vs. Grace

We put a lot of focus on community at Cross Point.  We encourage people to pursue and nurture connectedness… to build into others and allow those people to build into you.  But we all know relationships aren’t easy and some aren’t natural.  However relationships are worth the investment, studies show the one thing that distinguishes consistently happy people from unhappy people are rich, deep, life-giving relationships.

Healthy relationships require a balance of truth and grace. You won’t live in transformational community until you make truth a part of your conversations and language. Authentic relationships require us to extend and expect grace.

When I look at the majority of my friendships I realize I lean heavily toward grace and avoid truth.  Truth can cause conflict and I like to keep everyone happy!

But when I evaluate how I parent I tend to sway toward truth without extending enough grace!

And unfortunately, even recently I treated a Toys R Us cashier with a huge dose of truth when all she deserved was some grace

I’m working on my balance.  Praying that as God grows me he grows my ability to maintain a healthier balance between truth and grace.  To have the ability to say the hard things with love and a healthy motive.  To realize that my kids are kids… and sometimes I expect them to function more like adults.

How’s your truth and grace balance in relationships?  How’s your truth and grace balance as you lead?  Do you lean more toward truth or hover closer to grace?

Grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.  John 1:17b