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Leading and Loving It

After the Wedding Wednesday … Forgiving the Small Things

Posted by Trisha Davis (You can see the entire “After the Wedding…” series by by clicking here.)

In 1993 I found myself as if beamed from another planet in middle of a cornfield attending Lincoln Christian College in Lincoln Illinois. It was a far cry from the hustle and bustle of living in the inner city of Southside Chicago. It always makes me chuckle when people talk about the “inner-city” as this dark place always in need of rescue. From my point of view, this poor little town in the middle of nowhere was in desperate need of some rescuing itself. For example, how can a town only have two fast food restaurants and one gas station? But what once seemed an out of this world planet quickly became my new found home.

It was at LCC (now LCU) that I fell in love with Justin and a vision to change the world through the local church. A vision that would engulf my heart and lead me to move far away from family and friends. A vision I would spend devoting the rest of my life too in order to change the world.

Seventeen years of ministry
Thirteen moves
Fifteen years of raising three boys
Sixteen years of marriage
Two months of separation and near divorce
Seven different ministries including
Two church plants

My backdrop of ministry has come with tons of highs and heartbreaking lows. But one common theme that has been laced throughout my journey is forgiveness. Many times I have prayed  “God, why does this theme of forgiveness always seem to follow me?”

So how do you continue to forgive in the midst of your journey?

Maybe you’re brand new to ministry and feel shell shocked from the range of emotions you are feeling that you’ve never felt before? Maybe your ten years in and are so tired of the “forgiveness” talk that if you could you’d jump through your screen and really tell me what you think? But for many of you there is a strong desire to figure forgiveness out in all facets of your life. The problem you seem to face is just when you think you have, you realize you haven’t.

Wouldn’t you agree most times it’s easier to forgive the big things verses forgiving the little things? The big things should only happen once (so we tell ourselves) but the small things… the small things happen over and over again. The small things make you want to do and say things that you are most certain Jesus wouldn’t be to proud of you if you did.

Forgiving the small things like:

Your husband being late again or ___________ (fill in the blank).

Your friend who never returns your phone call or text messages (oh wait that’s me… ok so I’m working on it! See we all need forgiveness!)

That person in your church who never has a kind word to say about your husband or your ministry.

What I have learned over the years is that forgiveness is a choice. Forgiveness is more about the state of your heart rather than the outcome of your situation. Forgiveness isn’t about you reacting perfectly every time you get hurt. It’s easy as a pastor’s wife to fall into the trappings of placing God like expectations that we were never meant to carry. Forgiveness is choosing everyday to give the same gift to others that Christ has given to you.

Samantha Johnson Reply:
 September 14th, 2011 at 8:15 am

Lovely post Trisha! I felt the forgiveness of small versus big things strongly recently.

Allow me to share with you a blog post about it:

http://www.happysammy.org/2011/08/let-it-go.html

If we want to forgive the big, disastrous things that come our way, we have to “turn on” the forgiving heart at all times with the little things.

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Trish Reply:
 September 14th, 2011 at 10:21 am

“If we want to forgive the big, disastrous things that come our way, we have to “turn on” the forgiving heart at all times with the little things.”

Powerful statement!

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Samantha Johnson Reply:
 September 14th, 2011 at 11:02 am

Had to learn it the hard way. Thankful for a God who patiently teaches.

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LeadHership Reply:
 September 14th, 2011 at 11:35 am

God doesn’t ration out his forgiveness, so why do I?

Great post. Thank you so much for this.

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Emily Reply:
 September 14th, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Wow. The last few years in ministy have been tough… Thanks for reminding me to forgive the offense no matter how small or frequent.

I recently prayed with a fellow PW and our prayer was that God would help us be BETTER not BITTER.

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Trish Reply:
 September 15th, 2011 at 9:06 am

Emily I love that prayer!

Better but not Bitter…

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brandiandboys Reply:
 September 14th, 2011 at 7:26 pm

i always hearing you talk about forgiveness since i have personally seen how you’ve given it so well… thanks for sharing with us!

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Trish Reply:
 September 15th, 2011 at 9:08 am

You hear me talk about forgiveness all the time because I daily have to ask for it for not answering my phone

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Mindy Reply:
 September 15th, 2011 at 6:20 am

Forgiveness is so important, as a Christian, yet we rarely give it fully. Great blog post! Thanks!

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Trish Reply:
 September 15th, 2011 at 9:09 am

Thank you Mindy!

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Melissa Brown Reply:
 September 15th, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Thanks for this reminder Trish. I think also we sometimes need to do an “inventory” of the people/issues we may not even realizing we are harboring unforgiveness towards/about. So, so easy to think we are being “forgiving”, when we are actually just “forgetting”.

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