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Leading and Loving It

When Staff Leaves … Part 1

Posted by Lori Wilhite

Whether we are leaving … or we’re being left … all of us will face this at one point or another.

So, over the next couple of weeks we’re going to take a look at staff leaving a church or organization. It can be an emotional, intense time … but it doesn’t have to be negative.

There are several things to keep in mind when staff are planning to or announcing that they are leaving:

1. Leaving is not betrayal. Oh sure, some times some ugly things can go down with the way in which some people leave. But the actual leaving … or interviewing … is not betrayal. It isn’t necessarily a personal hit or poor reflection on your leadership.

If God is calling staff to another job or another ministry, that isn’t a bad thing. Following the call of God is an amazing thing. None of us want staff that ignore or disobey the call of God in some kind of misguided display or “loyalty.”

2. Care more about your people than the job they do for the church. There are two church cultures you can create when it comes this issue. You can create a culture of fear … or a culture of caring. A culture of fear forces staff to look at other ministry opportunities in secret. A culture that cares more about people than their job allows them to openly discuss and journey with you as they are seeking God and new opportunities.

We’ve had the honor of praying for, advising, listening to, and journeying with lots of staff members who have felt God moving them on to other ministries. It is a privilege to encourage someone as they are seeking God and following Him.

3. Celebrate. Celebrate the work the staff has done in ministry. Celebrate their time with the church. Celebrate the new adventure God is calling them to. Celebrate their willingness to follow God. Just celebrate.

As leaders, what are some other things to keep in mind when staff are moving on to other ministry opportunities?

Mel M. Reply:
 November 7th, 2011 at 6:06 am

Oh, having just left a staff I found myself amidst a flood of rumors from I was leaving the church all together… to I was moving out of state.

It’s not the business of the rest of the world why someone leaves or moves – however, coach your team through a transition no matter what the circumstances are. Left to our own devices, I think it’s easy to try and connect the dots on our own when there’s no communication on why someone is suddenly gone.

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brandiandboys Reply:
 November 7th, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Mel… I think you’re right on when you say “Coach” because our teams look to us for leadership in a lot of areas… even how we, as the leaders, handle someone moving on.

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Kathy Reply:
 November 7th, 2011 at 7:31 am

We have left a ministry and was left with the feelin like they couldn’t wait to get rid of us. Now where we are, when Job opportunities come, we are open with our sr pastor. He’s open, as we are, to be used in whatever capacity God has for us. So necessary to realize the staff are not “yours”, they are Gods vessel as you are. Our sr pastor says he hold us all with an open hand, when God calls, don’t deny him. Weve been here 7 years.

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Lori Wilhite Reply:
 November 7th, 2011 at 11:30 pm

Keeping an open hand is essential! You are totally right, Kathy!

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Laura Anne Reply:
 November 8th, 2011 at 1:36 am

Amen to that Kathy!

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Kate Reply:
 November 7th, 2011 at 11:45 am

I think the “care more about the person not the job” is highly overlooked, especially in the church world. Many people leave for whatever reason and feel wounded due to no one celebrating them and their work/ministry.

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Lori Wilhite Reply:
 November 7th, 2011 at 11:32 pm

And celebration is really so easy, isn’t it? Simple hugs and thank-you’s, phone calls and notes go such a long way in making people feel appreciated!

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Carolyn Webb Reply:
 November 7th, 2011 at 1:41 pm

We’ve been on both sides… Staff and Sr Pastor. And we’ve seen a lot of staff and/or friends walk away. Each situation was diff. But without a doubt, it means SO MUCH when the relationship with them continues.
In fact, sometimes the relationship is better when we’re not working together day in & day out. After losing SO MANY friends, we are so thrilled when former staff and/or friends still talk to us and befriend us.
And we’ve had to apologize and repent of wrong ways we’ve treated them as well.
Thru the years, those true friends rise to the surface, even if we didn’t get along when serving together.

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Lori Wilhite Reply:
 November 7th, 2011 at 11:33 pm

You are right. You can totally retain and even improve those relationships after people leave. We have been blessed by that as well. Great point!

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Chantel Reply:
 November 7th, 2011 at 1:47 pm

I am so looking forward to the rest of these. We moved 10 months ago to plant a church. When we left the church we had been at, everything seemed great, we were sent off with encouraging words, prayers and the blessing of our senior pastor. Then there was nothing…no responses to email…nothing. That wasn’t long after we left. It still hurts.
We have transitioned in the past and had great experiences and continued relationships. What contrast!

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Lori Wilhite Reply:
 November 7th, 2011 at 11:35 pm

Oh … that’s so tough. I’m so sorry to hear that Chantel! I hope that your new position is wonderful though! Transitions are tough … but they are exciting too.

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Alyson Reply:
 November 7th, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Having just left a lead pastor role, and not going into another ministry, this is a little fresh for me. To be fair, we did leave suddenly, of our own choice, after returning from sabbatical to yet another horrible meeting where it was very clear that our leadership was not willing to confront some issues and support my husband. So we walked away. Accusations toward us have been flung, I am sure that there are some people happy that we are gone, hurt has been accrued, and there are some that have remained our friends and have stood up for us. We expected all of that from the church. What we didn’t expect was the alienation from other pastor friends. Our state pastor has not checked on us, pastor friends that my husband was in an accountability group with have not called, a friend that he lunched with almost every week – nothing. It is as if we have been black balled. So I think the biggest thing a person can do in the case of staff changes, is just be open. If you have questions, ask the people, don’t speculate. Realize that relationships can go beyond the staff position, and reach out a little to the one who left. I guarantee that it will mean the world to them.

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brandiandboys Reply:
 November 7th, 2011 at 6:40 pm

Speculation is a definite killer! Well said, Alyson!!

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Lori Wilhite Reply:
 November 7th, 2011 at 11:35 pm

Oh Alyson. Wish I could give you a big ol’ hug. So sorry for the gross stuff you’ve been through lately. Hugs to you!

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Laura Anne Reply:
 November 8th, 2011 at 1:41 am

I want to add that it’s great to be able to invite your (ex) staff back to visit. Church should be family – first and foremost. I’ve loved it when some staff or (even some key folks who weren’t paid staff but were a huge part in our church) have come back to visit and we’ve got a chance to hear how they are getting on in their new ministry.

Several of my volunteers have left and moved on, but one I invited to come and speak at our national conference last summer, some when they’ve been back in town have come for a visit or I’ve tried to meet up with them for coffee or something.

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Joy Henderson Reply:
 November 8th, 2011 at 8:50 am

This is so good! And of course, you know, super timely with our recent move.
I think you hit it on the head when you said “care more about your people than the job”. If we’re seriously being “kingdom minded” then when a staff moves on, we must realize it’s not personal or an attack on the church they are leaving. It’s all about growing the kingdom.
We struggled with feelings of abandonment for the church we were leaving. I think that comes with being loyal to your church. Which being loyal is huge, so it’s not necessarily a bad thing, it just makes a transition SUPER hard!

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Joy Henderson Reply:
 November 8th, 2011 at 8:53 am

And being totally transparent about your transition was HUGE for us. Our church knew we weren’t leaving on bad terms. From the very beginning of the announcement of our leaving, we were able to speak to the truth of why we were leaving – God moves people. There is time & season for all things. And we simply explained our “season” there was coming to an end. It helped those closest to us take the news SO much easier!

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Rachel Reply:
 November 8th, 2011 at 8:48 pm

being transparent is a key. Your relationships with staff has to be based on truth & honesty. Disagreements don’t need to cause a breech in relationships. The saying “we can agree to disagree” comes in handy here. If we’re really for building the Kingdom, we can’t let the enemy use these situations to tear down, but rather, as Lori & others here mention, realize there are seasons and foster care rather than fear. This is so difficult. I’ve been on both ends, hurting people because we left and being hurt & talked about because we left (or even because we stayed) I’m so sorry for the hurt that some of the above have mentioned and praying it won’t scar the rest of their lives. May we grow in grace and see things the way they really are, not a personal attack but the enemy trying to tear apart & tear down. Yes, intense & emotional working through it, with His grace & people like-minded praying with us so it doesn’t become a negative.

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Cindi Reply:
 November 9th, 2011 at 12:58 pm

We’ve been on both sides: leaving and being left.
Yes, to Rachel, transparency and honesty are so key.
On the leaving side: there are also right reasons and wrong reasons to leave. In my opinion, ambition, hurt feelings, and resentments are not good ones…we must demonstrate maturity and keep the health of the church body in mind and allow personal growth even if sometimes in “not fair” situations, like Joseph, and we feel like we are being crushed. Sometimes that is the Lord purifying and maturing us, and we have cut the process short by leaving.
On the being left side: knowing others have truely been called to another place helps ease the “missing” them, it’s easy to bless them on their way even while crying! We have found these situations are usually not only good for them, but good for us too!!
We can also discern when “leavers” are running from the maturing process most of us are called to if we are in ministry. Heartbreaking to watch, and much harder to let them go when that is the case.
Agree with others who have said how much the enemy is at work in this…

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Leading and Loving It Reply:
 November 21st, 2011 at 12:56 am

[...] the last post, we talked about the way in which leadership reacts when staff are interviewing or announcing that [...]

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