Leading and Loving It

Through the Eyes of … the Church Planter’s Wife

I’m excited for you to meet Melissa this week. I absolutely love her heart for Pastors’ Wives and for ministry. I know you’ll love her too!

1. What is your role in leadership/ministry?

I am Church Planter’s/Pastor’s wife. I have been married to my handsome husband, Jon, for almost 8 years. We are momma and daddy to our son, Ethan, who is 8 months old. After serving as a Women’s Ministry Director and Children’s Ministry Director on 2 church staffs for 7 years, I am now a stay-at-home Momma to Ethan. We planted our new church in January, so my primary role throughout our church planting process has changed a lot depending on what needs to be done. I support my husband with administrative tasks and organization, I assist him in leading community groups, and I lead women’s community groups throughout the year. I also lead and organize the Welcome Center team during our Sunday church service and plan women’s gatherings a few times each year for the ladies in our church.

2. What is your favorite thing about your role?

I cherish the time when my husband and I served on staff together at our two previous churches. However, I am really enjoying the “non-staff” role I am in right now. I am not expected to be at every event or meeting and I can sort of make my own rules. Can I say that? I also love getting a behind the scenes view of my husband leading our church. By God’s grace, the man he is in the pulpit on Sunday morning, is the same man he is at home. I love having a front row seat to watch him lead and grow. I love being the Pastor’s wife.

3. What is the most challenging thing?

Right now, the most challenging thing as a church planters wife is trying to find our new rhythm. In a church plant, there is always something to be done, someone to call, a meeting to attend, an idea to explore, and on and on. It’s been difficult saying no to so many good things in order to say yes to God’s best things…and that’s caring for my husband and son first. I know that when I serve my family well, it brings God glory and He is pleased. After that, trying to determine what to say yes to has been difficult because there are so many awesome possibilities and endless ideas to explore during the first few years of a church plant!

4. What do you wish someone had told you before you started in your area of leadership/ministry?

I became a Pastor’s wife at the age of 21. I was young and had no idea how hard the punches would be. Ministry is not for the faint of heart. I am a sinner and have been called to care for and minister to sinners. It takes a lot of prayer, wisdom, and humility. I wish someone would have told me to become an expert at forgiving quickly and that even though the punches are hard…the joys far outweigh them any day!

5. How has God used your leadership to grow and change you?

God has been good and gracious to me. Even at a young age, I was able to learn and grow as a leader by serving on a large church staff. I had to endure many hard meetings and conversations but was also able to be a part of creating new ministries and helping people understand the God more clearly. I was able to learn what to do and what not to do regarding conflict. I also grew in my understanding of how important teams are. Ministry requires all hands on deck and lots of teamwork. Lastly, because of my unique position as a Pastor’s wife, I found that at times I was very lonely even though I knew a lot of people and a lot of people knew me. Because of that, I was able to birth the Embrace Network. It’s a network of ministry and pastor’s wives in South Florida. We meet twice a year for encouragement and networking. It’s great being able to continue to use my leadership gifts even outside of the church.

6. What does a typical weekend look like for you?

Saturdays are a study day for my husband. So, I try and plan fun things to do with my son and I. We spend time with family, run errands, go to the mall, have lunch dates with friends, etc. We normally don’t plan anything on Saturday nights so we can be home together as a family and to ready our hearts for church on Sunday. Right now, we have one church service at 10:30am. We try and schedule lunches after church with new church members. Mondays are Elswick Family Day off! We rest, have a lunch date as a family, and try and plan something fun to do. We debrief about the service and coordinate our schedules for the week. (This is so important for us! Scheduling is key!)

7. If you could pass one little piece of wisdom to someone else in the same leadership role, what would it be?

Church planting is hard work…but it’s God’s work…and God is a good God. The local church is a gift and starting new churches is a great privilege! If you are lonely and need some other Pastor’s wives to relate to and connect with…take initiative and be the one to reach out. Chances are, there are at least 5 other Pastor’s wives in your surrounding area that are thinking and feeling the same thing but don’t have the courage to reach out.

8. How do you make sure that integrity is being maintained in your leadership?

Aside from my husband, who is my primary accountability, I always bounce ideas and thoughts off of a few friends whom I love and trust. This small group of ladies has known me for a long time and knows my weaknesses. If I need a heart check, I have given them the right to check me. And as Martin Luther said, “I preach the Gospel to myself daily.” I remind myself daily of the Gospel at work in my life. When I am tempted to give in to temptation, discouragement, fear, or worry…I remember the Gospel. I am a sinner who has been saved form the penalty of judgment and death by Jesus’ work on the cross. I received mercy and grace instead of wrath. At the end of the day, that’s all that matters. When I begin to make things about me, I must remember the Gospel. The church is God’s church, not mine.

9. How do you develop other leaders? How do you grow and develop in your leadership?

In developing other leaders, right now I have found that meeting with women one on one and getting to know their strengths and weaknesses is very important as a young and growing church. Once I know their sweet spot and areas of giftedness, we plug them into serving on a team. It’s awesome to see women serving passionately. The best way for me to grow and strengthen my leadership is to lead…lead my son, lead the women in the church, lead a community group.  I always try to have a good book to read that encourages my soul or challenges my thinking. I just started reading, The Reason For God, by Tim Keller. I also listen to leadership podcasts and sermons online.

10. How do you meet the needs specific to the people in your town, city, circle of influence?

Right now, the Embrace Network meets the needs of many ministry wives in my area. Gathering together twice a year helps us stay connected, get refreshed, and be encouraged. It’s a blast and it’s neat to see friendships being made each time we meet.

Website: www.melissaelswick.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/melissaelswick

Twitter: www.twitter.com/melissaelswick

Church: www.crosswaychurch.net

Kate Reply:
 July 28th, 2010 at 6:42 pm

Nice to meet you, Melissa! Great interview!

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Melissa Elswick Reply:
 July 29th, 2010 at 2:29 pm

Thanks Kate! Nice to “meet” you too! It was fun answering these questions and sharing my journey. Your blog is so fun! I am in love with the Owl room! Absolutely adorable! XO, Melissa *Elswick

[Reply]

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