• Blog
• About Us
• Join The Team
• Local Events
• Virtual Groups
• Equipping Marriages
• Media
• Resources
• Connections
• Store

Leading and Loving It

The “B” Word Part 1

Our friend, Kerri Weems, shared this amazing series over at her blog recently. Kerri has been gracious enough to share it with us here at Leading and Loving It this week while we’re out. I know that these posts will encourage you in something most of us face in leadership at one time or another. Thanks so much Kerri!

“Love is whatever you can still betray. Betrayal can only happen if you love.” John LaCarre

The “B” word. We have all experienced it. No, not that “B” word — the other one. The BIG “B”: Betrayal. If you are a pastor’s wife, this word is an all-too-familiar part of your vocabulary. Maybe not the vocabulary you use out loud, to other people. But it’s a word you feel on the inside.

You don’t want to be dramatic. Who do you think you are anyway? Jesus? Who do you think they are? Judas? It’s not that big of a deal. Just get over it. After all, not everyone has to like you, or your husband, or your church…they’re entitled to their opinion. And remember, you’re supposed to forgive…everything.

I have had that inner dialogue with myself more times than I want to remember or even admit.

Of course it’s not just pastors’ wives that experience betrayal. Everyone does at some point in their lives. It’s just that for pastors’ wives our relationship lines are crossed all over the place:

• Your friends are also your congregants
• Your employees (staff) are also your best friends and teammates
• Your husband is also your pastor
• Your job is also your life mission
• Your husband’s relationship or work conflicts with some of the guys on staff and that can affect your relationship with their wives — your friends. Things can get awkward really fast.

The list could go on and on further, but I think you get my point. In my experience, both in being a pastor’s wife and in mentoring others, this issue of betrayal is the elephant in the room that no one talks about enough. To admit that you feel betrayed by someone is a very vulnerable thing to do. You may feel selfish, or weak. You definitely feel rejected. There are very few people in your world that you can talk about this issue with. Yet if you don’t move past it — if you don’t keep your heart pure — you run the risk of seriously hindering your potential in life and in ministry.

I have definitely experienced feelings of betrayal before. Sometimes I handled it with grace, but sometimes I reacted too quickly and let my hurt take the lead. I regret those times, but I learned from them. So I am going to do a series of posts just for pastors’ wives on what I learned about the “B Word.” I hope you will be encouraged and know you are not alone.

Karin Reply:
 May 10th, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Thank you for posting!

[Reply]

Grace Reply:
 May 11th, 2011 at 3:34 am

I am looking forward to reading your thoughts. Betrayal is an elephant in the room. And so much so in our lives becuz it is hard to deal with in the Christian life.

[Reply]

Leading and Loving It Reply:
 May 24th, 2011 at 10:40 pm

[...] [...]

Leading and Loving It Reply:
 October 21st, 2011 at 12:32 pm

[...] on betrayal in ministry. If you haven’t read it yet you should definitely check it out… Week 1, Week 2, Week 3, and Week [...]

Add your comment