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Leading and Loving It

The PK Life-The Teen Perspective

Posted by Tiffany Cooper

Happy Thursday Ladies!  We are continuing our discussion “The PK Life” today, focusing on the teenage perspective.  Naturally, the views and feelings expressed may not apply to every single teenage PK.

Meet Michael (his name has been changed), he is a senior in high school.

Meet Sarah (name also changed), she is providing the female teen perspective.

Michael and Sarah expressed a similar feeling in the interview.

Michael’s Quote: “If you skrew up or have a personal secret you can tell NO ONE, not even your parents.”

Sarah’s Quote:  “I’ll never be as good as I should be.  People have this idea of who I should be.  I love God but I can never measure up. I have struggles, I’m not what I want to be.  My parents would be disappointed if they knew who I really was.”

When asked about their overall feeling as a PK…

Michael said, “I personally don’t mind it. The only downfall is that you can’t talk to your parents or anyone about what to do in your walk with God because they believe that you should already know.”

Sarah said, “I can’t imagine a different life.  I want to be a PK but I just struggle with feeling like I live in this secret world.   I look perfect but I’m alone.  I don’t have any real friends and I don’t talk to anybody about how I really feel.  But I really do feel like I get to live a special life.”

Born and raised a PK myself, I can fully relate to their feelings.  I loved God and I truly loved church but, I never felt I could measure up to the ideal.  Did my parents create an ideal for me to fit?  Absolutely not!  Looking back I realize it was a subtle, unspoken idea that formed in my mind due to others comments.

So how can we as parents combat this silent, and sometimes verbal, pressure?  We can be the loudest voice in our kids’ lives.  I shared my thoughts on this very topic during the JustOne Virtual Conference.   You can listen here. You can also listen to great wisdom from Lori Wilhite, Heather Whittaker and Kay Warren.

Today I encourage you with 3 things:

1.  Just because you don’t place ministry pressure on your kids doesn’t mean they are pressure free.  DO NOT judge your kids feelings by their outside appearance/actions. PK’s can be masters of disguise, looking fantastic and hurting inside.

2.  Talk Often.  Talk Openly.  It’s not a one and done conversation.  As your kids grow and experience knew seasons of life, their feelings about being a PK may change.  Talk without judgment, be the person they can be real with.  What a privilege we have to be the most influencing and shaping voice in their lives!

3.   Keep your ministry perspective positive.  Be real about the unique pressures of the pk role, however, never make it an overall negative.  Ministry is a privilege. Encourage them with the advantages!  Cheer them on!  Let them know that you have their back, all the time, no matter what!  They come before the ministry!

Bottom Line: Talk, Talk, and Talk. Start with a letter if you are uncomfortable approaching your kids. Whatever it takes, cover it in prayer and start the dialogue.

Join us next Thursday for more on The PK Life!

Julie Richard Reply:
 January 6th, 2011 at 8:29 am

Love your words of encouragement!! Communication is so critical in every family, and particularly in ministry families. What an awesome job y’all are doing helping equip us to raise the next generation to love the Home and the House!

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Tiffany Cooper Reply:
 January 6th, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Thank you Julie. You are such a fantastic example to those in your life…I am personally very thankful for you!!!

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Becky Reply:
 January 6th, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Since my only son is only 2, I’ve not yet thought or prayed about how life will be for him as a PK. I didn’t even realize he IS a PK! But your words and the interviews are very helpful, and I’m very encouraged to pray, think, and talk about this issue w/ my husband (the P in the family) and my K.

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Tiffany Cooper Reply:
 January 13th, 2011 at 6:40 am

Becky,
January 20th you will hear from some great ladies raising young kids in ministry:)

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Stephanie Reply:
 January 6th, 2011 at 2:03 pm

So glad for this post. I was talking with my 12 yr old daughter today about the possibility of her going to youth camp with the teens this summer. She was excited until she started talking about going to the beach with all the other youth. She made the comment that she didn’t like going swimming with our other church kids because she would be the only one wearing a “decent” bathing suit, and all the kids look at her funny. I never knew she felt that way! Not sure what we’re gonna do about it, since we help her choose modest clothing because she is a Christ-follower and not a PK…but I’m glad the conversation is out there and now we can talk more about how to deal with these issues that sometimes go unnoticed.

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Kay Reply:
 January 7th, 2011 at 6:30 am

Great post! Appreciate your input as a former PK too. I’m going away for the weekend with my teen daughter and I think I’ll have a talk about some of these things.

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Tiffany Cooper Reply:
 January 13th, 2011 at 6:41 am

Kay, I prayed for you. I hope you had a chance to talk with your daughter:)

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Kathy Reply:
 January 7th, 2011 at 12:14 pm

such good advice. Reading those quotes i can totally identify, being a PK myself and it brings tears to my eyes remembering.

Praying i can be the loudest voice to my kids and an open door to all feelings.

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