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Oozing with Wisdom-The PK Life

Thursday, January 27th, 2011

Posted by Tiffany Cooper

Here it is ladies, the last installment of THE PK LIFE.  I have been super pumped for this post.  Why?  Because it oozes with wisdom from 2 super fantastic women who are passionate about God and family.  Each one of them has impacted my life in profound ways and I’m confident you will leave this post today with fresh perspective.  The post is longer today so let’s get right to it!!!

First Up: Holly Furtick is a PK who is now raising 2 handsome boys with one sweet baby girl on the way.

Q: What do you appreciate most about how your parents raised you?

A few things…

*My parents never made me feel like any of our family rules or standards were because of the church. For instance, we didn’t go trick or treating because my parents didn’t feel that was right for our family, not because the church wouldn’t like it. They never said “you can’t wear that to church but you can wear it to…”  If it was inappropriate for a girl, it was inappropriate everywhere.

*My parents tried very hard to not speak ill of staff members, deacons, church members etc. Years later I was shocked to hear some of their stories, but as a child, they did not allow us to think ill of church people (as much as they could control).

* My parents placed high value on vacation and family days.

*As a teenager, my parents somehow made me believe that I was going to church by my own choice.

Q: What is one tip you have for women raising kids in ministry?

Don’t blame things on the ministry.  Don’t tell your children things like…

*Daddy can’t because he has to be at church.

*We can’t do… because the church people wouldn’t like it.

*At our house we are allowed to… but at church we don’t.

*You can’t go to… because we have to be at church.

While the above may be true, it is all in the way you word things to your kids.  We should protect the bride of Christ and always paint Her in a great light to our kids.

Also, always accentuate the positive things about ministry.

*Can you believe we get to do this?

*Look at how so and so has blessed our family with this gift card because God has used our church in their life.

Up Next: Julie Richard is successfully raising 2 incredible kids in the ministry.

Q: What is your overall philosophy of raising your kids in ministry?

I, like all moms, want to rear children that love God and KNOW Him…and in knowing Him they discover who they are and the vision God has for their lives. As far as raising them in ministry, I believe they follow my lead.  When I love something, they typically learn to love it…when I dread something, they typically learn to dread it. I want my kids to LOVE serving, to love the House, to be drawn to Him through the House. So, I believe that I must choose to enjoy serving the Church.  Most of the time, that’s easy…but in the challenging times, I must make the CHOICE to enjoy serving. And the kids follow my lead!

Q: What is one thing you would encourage all women raising PKs to do?

The best gift any mom can give her children is knowing who she is, knowing who God has created HER to be…being so close to God that she hears His whispers about His vision for her life. Sometimes, this is a challenge in ministry since we feel like everyone has certain expectations of a pastor’s wife. Toss those to the side and listen for HIS expectations and dreams for you, your marriage, your family, and your ministry. Again, my kids follow my lead…when I’m cruising in confidence, living out a God-given, faith-fueled vision for my life, I’m much better equipped to help them and encourage them to hear God’s whispers of His vision for their lives!

Q: What has been the biggest challenge for you and how have you worked through it?

I think the toughest part for me has been in those times when I wasn’t loving ministry, when I wasn’t pumped to go to church. I knew that my kids were following my lead and I was doing my best to choose to love it.  I knew that my disease, my frustration, was just as contagious as my enthusiasm and excitement about our ministry. That’s when I had to determine what my limits were, what the signs were that I needed a little vacation and refueling time. Again, I had to listen to God’s whispers and not the whispers, murmurs, expectations of others. Now that I’ve been doing this a while, I know how to pace myself and how to schedule refueling/refreshing/replenishing time, time away with my husband, time away with our family, time away with other pastors and their wives, time away with my pastors’ wives friends (what a blessing this has been for me, my marriage, my kids, and my ministry!!!) Refueling our tanks is what keeps us in the race and I want to be in this race all the way to the finish line!

Now you know what I meant when I said these ladies were full of wisdom. Holly & Julie, thank you for being generous with us today.

I pray that this January series has encouraged you as moms, grandmas, friends and women in ministry.  We are raising world changers!

Posted in Relationships, family, leadership | 9 Comments »

To Friend … or Not To Friend

Tuesday, January 25th, 2011

Q: This may be a silly question but … how do you facebook? :) Do you accept all friend requests just because they go to your church or are you selective and only accept people you actually know? -Vanessa

Not a silly question at all Vanessa!

Let me first say, that I am not a huge fan of Facebook. I much prefer Twitter, so I’ll be interested in seeing how you FB lovers answer this question.

For me, I’ve chosen to use Facebook as a professional kind of connection, not a personal, private one. Since I don’t know everyone at Central, or even everyone around Leading and Loving It, I’ll pretty much accept everyone as a friend. Yes, there are a few exceptions like some guy that has no friends in common with me, but otherwise I accept everyone.

That decision has impacted many other FB decisions for me. For instance, you won’t find pictures of my kids on FB, Twitter, or this blog with the exception of our once-a-year-Christmas-card-picture. There is a long story there that awaits another post on another day. :)

I use FB more as a response to communication rather than instigating communication. If I need to talk to someone or keep up with them, I usually prefer emails, texts, & DMs. But I do respond to everything that comes my way on FB.

The question that usually follows the “do you friend everyone” question is the “do you un-friend” people question.

Answer: You bet ya! Absolutely.

My personal thought is: If I wouldn’t let people “yell” at me or talk to me rudely at my house, I won’t let them do it in my cyber-house either.

Un-friend. Delete. Good-bye. No apologies.

How about you? How do you handle the FB friending issue? And I’d love to hear your best tip in managing your social network life.

Posted in Relationships | 24 Comments »

The PK Life List

Thursday, January 20th, 2011

Posted By Tiffany Cooper

Ladies, we are switching it up a little this week.  I have some amazing women digging deep to give you encouraging advice related to raising PKs, so check back next Thursday to check it out.

This week I would like to share 10 tidbits of advice I’ve gathered over the years related to raising kids in the ministry.

  1. Allow your children to do things other kids aren’t allowed to do, it’s a perk as a PK.  Examples: Let them run around the church, play with the toys or play the drums when no one else is there.  Let them enjoy special privileges.
  2. Accentuate the positives of ministry; the positive should overshadow the negative.  Guard your attitudes and words.
  3. Many people celebrate events and holidays on days when we are “ministering/working”.  Don’t forgo the fun!  It might not happen on the exact day but find a day or time you can celebrate.   Your kids will one day appreciate this.
  4. Don’t force your kids to do something just because people expect it.  You know your kids, they don’t.
  5. Be Authentic.  Your kids will know if you’re one person at church and one person at home.  Whenever I have the chance, I quiz PK women.  One question is, “Why do you love God and live for God today?”  Over and over again they say it’s because their parents were the same person at home and church, they were the real deal.
  6. Offer your kids the same grace you offer to others. (Kay Warren)  Don’t
  7. Your kids need to know that they are the priority before the ministry.  Be diligent to tell them often and show it always.  Ministry is our high calling but our family is our highest calling.
  8. Use ministry as a teaching tool.  Andy Stanley, pastor of North Point Community Church, brings home appropriate ministry topics to discuss with his children.  He uses these topics to teach his children about ministry and life.
  9. Family Time.  Craig Groeschel, pastor of LifeChurch.tv, blogged, I rarely work evenings. The evenings are family time. I also try not to compromise my day off with church needs. My husband and I also protect our evenings and day off.  Of course, there are occasional meetings or events that  need to be scheduled.
  10. Have Fun!  Find ways to add fun in your family.  Many times it’s the small   things throughout the day that make a huge impact.

Your Turn:  Do you have a tip or advice to pass on to the rest of us?

Posted in Relationships, family, leadership | 11 Comments »

The PK Life-MK Style

Thursday, January 13th, 2011

Posted by Tiffany Cooper

Today “The PK Life” series includes an interview with MK (missionary kid) Kelly Dudley.  She spent a great amount of her childhood in Costa Rica and Guatemala. Today she resides in the states with her husband, also a MK, and their 2 kids.

Kelly was an open book throughout the entire interview, sharing personal struggles that lead to two suicide attempts.  God protected her and she found healing during her years as a college student.  She now spreads God’s love as a missionary!

I would like to highlight a few of Kelly’s responses that I pray will encourage and equip you as you raise your kids.

Q:  Did you feel pressure to be/act a certain way?

Kelly:  Absolutely! But now I see that a lot of that pressure I put on myself.

Q: What did your parents do well?

Kelly:  They continually made me a part of ministry. Not excessively, but if there were teams, outreaches, or special events, I was expected to participate even though I obviously didn’t want to. I would never have admitted it at the time but, these things impacted me…they left a lasting impression.

They also made our home a safe haven. I believe, especially when living abroad, it’s so important to have your home be your home. You have to be able to retreat somewhere.

Q:  What advice would you give parents raising MK’s today?

Kelly:  *When you are struggling and stressed, remember your children feel it and see it too. It doesn’t matter how young or old they are or how well you think you’re hiding it. They may not understand it all, and sometimes that makes it harder.

*Don’t be afraid to be honest with them. When we don’t have the whole story our brain fills in the gaps. Sometimes we see ourselves protecting our children from either difficult or unnecessary information, but instead the unknown may produce fear.

*Allow them to be kids. And don’t expect them to “perform”.

*Give your kids permission to feel their feelings. This is such a “no brainer” but often as parents we want to fix or reason their emotions away.

Want to read the entire interview? Email me at tiffanymcooper@aol.com.

I think we can sum it up like this, YOUR FAMILY IS A TEAM.  Take opportunities to minister as a family.  Discuss age appropriate information with openness and discretion.  Make your home a place the family wants to come home to.  Have fun.  And cover it all with love, lots and lots of love.

You don’t want to miss next week.  We have great advice from women who grew up in ministry and are now raising kids in ministry!  Great Stuff!!!


Posted in Relationships, expectations, family, leadership | 8 Comments »

Once Upon a Time, in Lands Far, Far Away …

Tuesday, January 11th, 2011

also known as Las Vegas, Nashville, Oklahoma City, Virginia Beach, Corpus Christi, and Miami … lived 6 Pastors Wives serving, working, and leading.

Then, about 2 1/2 years ago Divine appointments started to occur.

I met Jessica at a ministry roundtable that was meeting in Vegas. I, of course, immediately loved Jess. If you’ve spent 5 minutes with her you know exactly why. I don’t know that I’ve ever met someone with a stronger gift of encouragement than Jessica. It just oozes out of her pores.

A couple of months later, Jess and I met up with some other Pastors’ Wives in Miami where I met Lisa for the first time. Lisa is one of those incredibly life-giving kinds of people. She makes you feel like you’ve been friends for years instead of minutes … maybe because she’s already imagined that in her head anyway. *wink, wink Lisa*

The following summer Brandi drug Pete to Vegas to hang out. Brandi and I had been chatting it up online via blogs, twitter and eventually our cells. By the time we met, I felt like I was seeing a longtime friend. That is when God knit our hearts together with this passion we both shared for Pastors’ Wives. By the end of the night, we had enjoyed not only some delicious mushroom ravioli, but we had also started dreaming about partnering, and praying about how God might use us together. That week, she joined the team.

After following Leading and Loving It for about a year, Tiffani and I were often connecting both online and by phone … although only in about 10 minute increments because it is hard to chat for long with so many kiddies around. And we got to meet for the first time when I invited these girls to Vegas for a few days of fun. And Tiffani was exactly who I knew she’d be … fun, sweet, and a wonderful woman who hungers for growth both Spiritually and in leadership.

I hardly let them get back home after our Vegas-girls’ trip before I was asking them all to come onto the Leading and Loving It team.

And there’s Cyndi, our fabulous friend who none of us have gotten to meet in person yet … but we love her all the same. It seems like she’s been part of the L&LI community since almost the beginning. She’s just like family now almost 3 years later. And when she agreed to handle the the social network side of L&LI, I could not have been happier! I CAN NOT WAIT to hug her in May. It is long overdue!

So, Rochelle, I hope that answers your “How do you all know each other? (the leadership team)?” question. Thanks for asking!

I’m curious: how did you originally find your way here?

Posted in Relationships | 36 Comments »

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