[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Vp2vsKiXdc&hl=en&fs=1]
Just because it is so funny …
This was a video we did a while ago for a relationship series.
My favorite line: “Trapped by a clinger.”
Ever been burned? Or trapped? Let’s hear it! I’ll tell one of my burns later today. So check back for that! 
I had a great time at my lunch for Pastor’s wives and women in Leadership at Catalyst that Lucretia Noble and I hosted. The only bummer was that I wish it had been twice as long so I could have been able to visit with more people because I’m a talker … but I was so glad for the opportunity! We had over 40 people join us. Awesome ladies!
Thankfully someone Tweeted this picture of us during our Q&A time. I wasn’t able to get through near all of the questions, so I thought I would slowly start going through them here.
This is my favorite one: How do you maneuver being Jud’s eye candy?
It is a tough job … but someone’s got to do it! That’s hilarious! But most of the leaders I know are smart enough to have married up. For instance I love Jud’s best friend, Mike Foster, but Mike would totally agree with me that his wife Jen is totally amazing! And our friend Tommy who is the Sr Pastor at Hillside Christian Church married a stinking powerhouse when he married Donna. I have tons of other examples too.
I should also say, that I completely understand that most people will not know me outside of my role or my face. Most of the time that doesn’t bother me, because I make sure to have some people that really KNOW me outside of all of that. It helps me keep a little balance.
So, ladies, how do you handle it? And guys, brag on your ladies! You know you couldn’t do it without them!
Don’t forget that a live chat with Anne Jackson is coming up tomorrow night at 9:00 pm Central Time (7:00 pm Pacific). Please jump into the discussion. Anne is awesome, I look forward to hearing her talk about burnout and answer any questions that we have. The link is http://www.mogulus.com/flowerdust
For today though, I wanted to share a bit about what I’m gonna call Second Hand Burnout. This isn’t necessarily the kind of burnout that Anne is referring to in Mad Church Disease, but more like getting sick from second hand smoke … it is the burnout related to someone else.
When we moved to Vegas, it was Jud’s first time being a Senior Pastor. There was so much work to be done. So much catching up to do. The learning curve was massive. We were trying to get to know people in this huge church and figure out what in the heck we were supposed to do.
Jud worked so hard … long, long hours. And to put it bluntly, I felt abandoned. I had a two year old at home. And Ethan was born 5 weeks after we moved here. I didn’t really have an outlet to meet people. I knew I was carrying the rock … but I just kept telling myself that it was only for a season. The problem was that we were building things into our lives and ministry that weren’t necessarily healthy. We were almost creating expectations for ourselves that hadn’t been there previously.
Now, don’t get me wrong … I’m not saying that there are seasons of unusual business … there are. In fact, we are in one right now. And once we get through Catalyst things will settle back down. It is a season.
But what we were doing that first year or two of our time here wasn’t seasonal like that. The truth was if we continued on that same path we would have only made it a few more years in ministry and our marriage would have really suffered.
Here is what saved us. I wish it had been some awesome conversation where I sat down and openly told Jud how I was feeling. But it didn’t exactly happen that way. I wish it had. But instead, Jud ended up having divine timing and walked by at just the right moment while I was talking to a friend on the phone. He over heard me tell her that I felt “like a single mom.” He was so upset and bothered by that. He sat me down and then we had our great talk and started to make changes in our lives, ministry and marriage. We had to address our emotional, spiritual, physical, and relational health that Anne talks about in the book. I’m so glad that he was eavesdropping that day! I don’t know how long I would have let it go before I said something. It truly saved us so much heart ache.
Here’s the point. I was pretty burned out. I wasn’t doing much ministry at all. I was busy, but not over the top. But my husband was … and the second hand effect of that was huge in my life.
So, maybe a couple of questions today. Have you ever experienced burnout second hand? And think through the different areas of health in our lives – emotional, physical, relational, and spiritual. How can we start to move toward health in those areas?
Doing a little experiment with my first video blog. This is my friend Marina. She and her husband run an awesome non-profit called Catalyst Project in Portland. They are doing great work there.
Before you watch we would like to add this disclaimer:
It was almost 10:00 pm. I hadn’t put make-up on since before 8:00 am. Just sayin’.
Also, we aren’t jaundiced … we just had bad lighting.
[vimeo http://www.vimeo.com/3851127]
We used to have a website where people could dump their junk. It was chocked full of raw, honest confessions that were left anonymously. I thought every once in a while I would put one up here for us to talk about. There are people facing these same problems in every community and church around the country. I thought we might could learn from each other about how to encourage, love and minister to hurting people. I will copy the post exactly as it was written. So the question will always be: What would you say?
I have been having an affair with a married pastor for almost two years. He has moved on to someone else and I am lost. Part of me wants to turn him in to the church but I also feel it is vengence because he has moved on. But is it really fair to his congretion for him to be in the pulpit week after week lying to these people.
What would you say?
