By Jenni Clayville
“Look at the dot! Look at the dot!” I say as I try to snap a photo on my iPhone of my husband and myself.
I’m participating in a photo challenge in Instagram called #100Thanks. Basically, I post what I’m thankful for once a day for 100 days. On this particular day, I was thinking I was thankful for Brian.
We were in a noisy restaurant so I guess it seemed like I was barking orders and Brian snapped back, “I’M LOOKING AT THE DOT!!!”
I should start out by saying I don’t usually get my feelings hurt very easily. I should also say it’s EXTREMELY rare for Brian to snap or raise his voice at me. So, I can fairly say this moment was a legitimate wounding moment.
How DARE he snap at me when I was just about to post how thankful I was for him??? What a jerk! Well… that’s not what I called him in my head… but I digress…
You see… Brian didn’t know my intentions. He didn’t know I was feeling so thankful for him and us… and that I wanted to document that. He didn’t know I was just trying to get a good shot of us. All he knew was it seemed like I was barking orders at him and he had no clue what was happening.
I planned everything out in my head but didn’t actually communicate it to him before I went along with my plan… then was hurt and offended that he didn’t know what was going on… IN MY HEAD!!!
How often do we do that to our spouses? Heck… not just our spouses… EVERYONE?
We don’t take the time to communicate our desires and expectations but then expect them to understand the intricate details of what’s going on in our heads? And when our plans don’t go through as we intended, we retreat like wounded puppies and build another layer to the wall between us and the world.
Is this really who we want to be?
Confession: This specific situation ruined my whole day. There were other pieces of the day that added to the “ick” but I allowed this piece to be the catalyst. And I didn’t have to.
My decision to believe that my husband didn’t have my best intention at heart drove me to retreat and lose a day. My decision to believe he intentionally wanted to hurt me made me want to retaliate. My decision to think only of myself and how to justify my hurt allowed lies about my marriage to penetrate and wound my already tender and broken heart more than needed.
Brian and I talked about all of this the next day. We worked through it, apologized and forgave… but not before unnecessary damage was already done. And so to you, I ask… What hurt are you choosing for yourself? Of course things HAPPEN to us… but you are not powerless in your choices and decisions on how you react to them.