This is the last of our Marriage Bloopers Series.
“Blooper” is such a cute word. It’s an “oops”. And it can seem like no big deal. But when we continue to blooper without changing for healthy and the better, the oops/blooper can become a moral failure.
I did that.
We all love to be acknowledged. We want to matter. We want to be worthy and count for something. And let’s be honest… there is NO WAY to be 100% prepared for what marriage is going to be. We grow up reading about the princess meeting the prince, love at first sight and happily ever after. Instead, we are greeted with conflict that naturally arises between two people who lose all their personal space and have been raised in two fairly different families.
A shift happens once we say “I do!”
Conflict without proper resources to work it out.
Focusing on unmet expectations.
Forgetting to say “I love you.”
Becoming glorified roommates.
The “blooper” I’m gonna talk about is much more than a “blooper”. It was a moral failure. In July of 2006, I chose to step into an affair that changed the course of my life forever.
I don’t want to focus on the affair today though. We can… another day… or you can ask me questions. I’m quite open about it and will talk about whatever you’d like to talk about… but let’s talk about the root of the issue. The affair was the result of a plethora of bloopers that went unchecked… and my affair was simply one possible manifestation of the many that could have happened in the course of malfunction I chose.
In the wake of our three year battle with infertility, my heart needed attention and love. Instead of communicating with Brian in a deep and honest way that I was broken and empty, I made myself believe I would be fine and it would get better… tomorrow. Instead of confiding in a friend that I felt alone, I continued to act as if I had it all together.
It’s amazing how lonely one can feel in a full room of people.
In my failure to partake in true community and communication, I had no other option than to choose darkness and secrecy. In my quest to find my place of belonging, I chose the most heartbreaking rejection instead. My biggest blooper ever… choosing to hide.
Don’t let your fears lead you to isolation. Don’t allow your bloopers to define who you are. Saying “That’s just who I am” and “I’m fine” is no longer a good enough. Be who God has called you to be: Blooper-free!
And for those of us who have bloopered beyond what we think is repairable… I can tell you this: But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8). You matter. You were bought with a price. Grace resides in what seems to be the most graceless situations. There IS a tomorrow. We are in this together… so don’t give up.