Leading and Loving It

I love the “Fun Run” episode of the Office.  It cracks me up.  Michael, the boss, decides that the office will do a fun run to raise awareness for Rabies.  It is hysterical. Jim and Pam get distracted by a garage sale.  A few of the office workers hop in a cab to avoid the run.  And Andy, well let’s just say he has chaffing issues. If you haven’t seen it, you must tivo it next time it is on. They re-ran this episode this week.  And oddly enough it reminded me of something Kay Warren said about criticism and leadership.  (Forgive my not so elegant summary.)

I’m sure it isn’t much of a stretch to think of leadership as a fun run or maybe a marathon.  Along the sidelines of the race there are many people.  Some cheering and yelling.  Some jeering and criticizing. 

As you are running you begin to hear people cheering you along.  They are yelling how great you are. They are pointing out all of the things that you’ve done well. You start to focus on their cheering and encouragement and turn your head to look at them.  That is when you trip on a rock and fall flat on your face.  You are out of the race.

Or, as you are running you begin to hear people yelling at you, criticizing you.  They point out all the mistakes that you have made.  They yell how they could have done things differently and better.  They hollar all of their suggestions for more effective leadership.  You start to focus on their criticism and turn your head to look at them.  That is when you trip on a rock and fall flat on your face.  You are out of the race.

The point is that we need to keep our focus as much as possible on God.  Running to please only Him and trying our best to do His will.  Easy to say, hard to do.

What about your fun run?  How do you keep your focus on God and keep your eyes on the finish line?  How do you keep from getting distracted by the people on the sidelines?

If you haven’t read Craig Groeschel’s Confessions of a Pastor, I would really encourage you to.  It is a great book.  You can check it out by clicking here and check out his blog, Swerve, by clicking here.  

Here is an excerpt: “As a twenty-three-year-old minister, I expected Christians to act like Christ.  In case you haven’t noticed, they often act more like the Anitchrist. Maybe we were naive and at times overly sensitive.  Whatever the reasons, we found ourselves getting hurt by the people we thought we could trust most.”  

I think this is the fundamental reason why criticism hurts me the most.  I expect Christians to act like Christ.  Which is kind of unfair, since one person I know who is a Christian and should act like Jesus, doesn’t on a regular basis  - that person is me.  Sometimes I let my woundedness (is that a word) get in the way.  I forget that all of us are on a journey.  We all make mistakes.  No one is perfect this side of heaven. It doesn’t make hurtful words right – they aren’t.  It just helps me frame things up in a different light.

Several years ago, we were having lots of problems with criticism during a time of transition.  Not too long ago, I had a friend come talk to me and bring up this time.  We had never talked about it before.  She said, “I had many a lot of friends involved in that.  I’m sorry about the way that went down.  We just tried to stay out of it.  I think they forgot that you guys were people too.”

Maybe that is part of it.  Maybe sometimes people forget that their pastors and leaders are people.  Words hurt us.  Criticism stings.  Gossip wounds. We’re just people too.

What I need to remember is that, those who criticize are just people too.  We are all imperfect, flawed people just trying to do our best.

What are your thoughts on Craig’s quote?  Do you feel like sometimes people forget that you are “just people” too?

Every once in a while I read about or hear about a pastor’s wife giving up on the church.  They weren’t done with God, but definitely done with the church.  They all had different reasons but that is where they ended up. Early in ministry I couldn’t understand. I couldn’t relate. Until … criticism, oh sweet criticism snuck into the picture.

After being subjected to the “Chinese Water Torture” version of criticism over a lengthy period of time, I understood. Oh, I wasn’t ready to give up on the church.  But I could understand how women could get there. 

It is the little things that made me crazy. The tiny drop after drop on the forehead. The nitpicking about the small, inconsequential things really got under my skin.  Apparently, Jud dresses like a meth dealer.  His hair style is too young looking. He wore the same shoes a few weekends in a row. Maybe the fact that I dress Jud makes me a little sensitive in this area.

I think that this struggle for me is mainly tied to the fact that I struggle with the desire to please people. It is a struggle for me to constantly try to shut out those type of criticisms and only focus on pleasing God.

Anyone else out there a people pleaser?  Anyone else get tired of the endless barrage of negative opinion?

A few years ago, my best friend and I went to Women of Faith.  We met a large group of other ladies from the church.  After we sat down, we met a lady sitting a few seats away.  She said, “Oh, you’re Jud’s wife.  We hear about you.”  I kind of laughed and said, “Yes, I’m sure that you know way more about me than you want to.” To which she responded, “Yeah, we all know you’re a nut-ball!”

Ouch.  A nut-ball.  I’m not even sure what that is.  My first reaction: I burst out laughing.  I thought it was funny.  My best friend’s first reaction:  She was livid.  Furious.  Mad for a couple of days.

Isn’t that the way criticism is? Sure it never feels good to be criticized personally.  But how fast the claws come out when people criticize someone we love – our husbands, our children, our friends.

It is one thing for people to say things about me, but I really struggle with the attacks leveled at Jud. I hate them. It is one of my biggest struggles in leadership.

Can you relate?  What brings your claws out the quickest?